(It's not what you think.)
Divorce can hit you like a hurricane you never knew was coming. The storm roars with fear, doubt, confusion, anger, rejection and sadness. Maybe you initiated the separation or maybe your ex did. Regardless, divorce feels like a drastic last step off a cliff into the unknown. And the scariest question of all is: what's next? The idea of an unscripted future brings out your worst fears. With all these negative emotions, it is difficult to envision what a new life will look like.
The steps to get there just don't exist yet. Without even realizing it, you've let your fear and anger distract you from your path forward and it's kept you stuck in all the negative emotions you are trying to avoid! The door to your marriage has closed, so why are you still looking at it? And how can you open a new door?
Here are four ways to achieve the ultimate post-divorce revenge—happiness:
1. Make happiness your goal.
It's easy to get stuck in these distractions when you don't have anything motivating you to move forward. So, I suggest making happiness your goal. You need to have one right now to avoid useless distractions, and you need a positive goal that you can move towards with hope. You will make better decisions for yourself and shape a better, more fulfilling life. You will also receive a better return on your investment of time and energy. Sounds simple and yet oh-so-difficult, right? With small steps, it doesn't have to be. Follow these steps and you will eventually realize that you ARE happy.
2. Accept where you are, but know it is temporary.
You need to feel everything you feel. No distractions. Experience the hurt and sadness without trying to numb your emotions. These feelings are real and need to be acknowledged. As Kathleen Casey said, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." Know that you will never feel these exact combination of feelings again. They are unique to this time and place. They will go away. Trust that you have a life filled with joy waiting for you right around the corner.
3. Identify and appreciate everything that makes you happy.
Try to find something that makes you happy during this dark time. It could be small, like a sunrise, a unique interest or your child's laughter. Hang onto it. Notice what else is there. Find those little treasures and store them up. Appreciate those small moments. Find larger ones. The more you notice, acknowledge and appreciate what makes you happy, the happier you will become.
4. Create a happy vision of yourself in the future.
Once you have a sense of the things that bring you joy, paint a mental picture of yourself being happy all the time. What are you doing? What's around you? What are you like in this new life? You can also reinforce this mental picture by creating a mood board, or a collage of images, that represents joy for you. Look at how you have created a better life for yourself. Appreciate what a great role model you are for your children. Being happy is a mind-set one we have to choose for ourselves. It takes practice, but it is well worth it.
Happiness is the only thing that will make YOU the real winner in this divorce.
I know I said earlier that there were no winners in divorce, but happiness is the one exception to the rule. And happiness IS the best revenge when you are focusing on yourself and not your ex. Who knows? He's probably still stuck in his own distractions. No worries. Your grass is definitely greener than his now.
Contact Laura for your free, 60-minute confidential consultation to help you make better decisions in your divorce, achieve better outcomes and lower the cost. And sign up on my website to download your free MoxieLife Divorce Survival Guide -- where I give you easy action steps for getting off the emotional rollercoaster in your divorce!