Scared To Talk To Your Crush? 5 Tips To Boost Your Courage

hot girl at the bar

No one is out of your league if you know how to approach them properly.

Many people—even outgoing people—get intimidated when they see a super hottie walk by. But connecting with someone you find ultra attractive is easier than you think. It's not rocket science, and it doesn't take memorizing any cheesy pickup lines.

Become an expert at connecting with that "perfect 10" guy or girl with these 5 easy dating tips:

1. Build yourself up. Remember, there is no "rejection", only the wrong fit. Often, there's a reason you're drawn to a person. Maybe you and this person are meant to connect. But if not, that's okay. You'll never know until you find out. 

If you are nervous, you're putting the hottie on a pedestal. If so, you need to get right up there on the pedestal with them! Rather than feeling less-than,  remind yourself that you are a catch and think of your best qualities. For all you know, you're tailor-made for this person and that hottie may have been looking for someone just like you.

2. Connect subtly. Look this person in the eye and smile. Some of my clients find even this step hard to do. But remember this person needs some contact and you can provide it. Studies show that most men will not approach a woman unless they get this signal. And many men have discovered they don't even have to make a move. When they first connect with their eyes and their energy, women come to them!

3. Be genuine. Ask your hottie a question. Or comment on something around you, something they're wearing or anything you observe: even the weather. No need to try to dazzle with your big wit—just engage with this person in casual conversation.

Avoid seeming desperate—it repels. Besides, you aren't desperate! Because you know that no single interaction is make-or-break. Be interested and show that you are genuinely hearing the hottie (not just looking at them), and bonding will begin.

One tip here, unless you're looking for a booty call, skip the sexual innuendo, heavy flirting or showing too much skin (at least for now). The hottie has to feel emotionally safe with you first, and all the rest will come naturally later on.

I repeat: avoid all use of pickup lines! Every attempt to impress, intimidate or to boast will fail where simple connection succeeds.

Just introduce yourself by name (and remember their name when they say it). Hotties like to talk, but just like most people, they appreciate someone helping to break the ice. Help them feel emotionally comfortable. If you are truly interested in them, you will get a warm reception.

4. Shift connection to conversation. Now that you're talking together, keep on chatting. Ask questions. Show them photos on your phone of something you've done recently. Ask them to dance. Get them to tell you a story of something in their life.

Find out about their work, their friends, their family. Laugh, nod and find reasons to like them. They will sense you warming up to them and reciprocate. We all need someone to see us and to like us for who we are. But they'll shut you down and rebuff you immediately (as they should) if you're being shallow.

So, really connect. It puts you at a different level. Not throwing out superficial pick-up lines puts you way ahead of the game.

5. Stay in touch. Connect on Facebook or your smartphone right then and there during your interaction. Call each other while you're chatting to save numbers. Get a card or email. It's surprising how often the info will be freely given once you have made a true connection.

Studies show that most couples bond through repeated interactions before they ever go out on a date. So notice their patterns, try to run into them regularly. Or exchange texts on a consistent basis.

Attraction levels vary wildly as you get to know someone. A hottie may think you're kind of cute at first, but then suddenly find themselves crushing on you as the two of you bond more.

One thing is for sure, in order to find the love of your life, you need to quit being intimidated by looks and practice connecting with hotties. Otherwise, you might accidently rule out the person who might be the love of your life.

Kathryn Alice is considered one of the U.S.’s foremost experts on soulmates & dating. Author of the bestseller "Love Will Find You", she teaches around the world and is responsible for thousands of people recovering from heartbreak and finding the love of their lives. Her work has been featured in Psychology Today, Your Tango, USA Today, New York Times, Parade, Body+Soul, NBC, CNN and many other media. Find out more about her work at: 


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