Understandably, sex has always been an emotionally charged subject for women. After all, there are so many religious, cultural, emotional and personal issues attached to it. And, it is often said that women are the gatekeepers to sex, while guys are the gatekeepers to commitment. As a result, many women have a love-hate of relationship with sex.
Take, for example, a client of mine who has been seeing a man for almost two years who hasn't declared that he loves her, nor has he taken the relationship to the next level of commitment (UPDATE: She just reported to me that he has stepped up and claimed her after she practiced my tools). She is very upset about it, and acts out frequently, which doesn't help. Women like her come to me asking for help to turn their relationships around. Especially after the publication of my book, I become a specialist in dealing with women who are stuck with emotionally unavailable men. (Do you ever wonder how you keep ending up falling for a guy who can't commit?)
Sure, guys love sex! Sex is first and foremost in their reptilian brains. They can't help it. It's deeply embedded in their genetic codes. Don't fault them for that. Accept and embrace it, but know this: For men, sexual desire is the gate to romance. That's not to say that sex means love or that if you have sex with them, it will automatically translate into romance. Rather, for guys, romance needs sex to launch. And, guys rarely stay with a woman just for the sex. So if he's sticking around, but not committing, it's not the sex that is to blame.
My above mentioned client is worried that the only reason her guy is still around is the sex. I told her very matter-of-factly, "I'll be very blunt with you. The fact that he's still here despite your off-putting behaviors and constant neediness speaks volumes of his feelings toward you. Most other guys would have left long ago." (There is a reason why he's pulling away and here's what you need to do to keep him attracted)
And I was proven right now that they are a "real" couple. He told her that he'd been in love for months but he was scared thanks to unfinished business with his ex whom he wasn't even divorced from.
If you think sex is everything that a guy wants, you're wrong. The sex alone isn't worth it if he doesn't like you all that much, especially if you constantly nag and create drama. Men love and want sex, but they are not that desperate for it. Finding someone to hook up with is easy. A good woman, on the other hand, is like a diamond; she's one in a million. Keep reading ...
More relationship advice from YourTango: