Casual to Committed: How to Turn Your Relationship Around [EXPERT

flirty couple at a bar with wine


Plus: 6 steps to avoid a relationship rut!

Understandably, sex has always been an emotionally charged subject for women. After all, there are so many religious, cultural, emotional and personal issues attached to it. And, it is often said that women are the gatekeepers to sex, while guys are the gatekeepers to commitment. As a result, many women have a love-hate of relationship with sex.

Take, for example, a client of mine who has been seeing a man for almost two years who hasn't declared that he loves her, nor has he taken the relationship to the next level of commitment (UPDATE:  She just reported to me that he has stepped up and claimed her after she practiced my tools). She is very upset about it, and acts out frequently, which doesn't help. Women like her come to me asking for help to turn their relationships around. Especially after the publication of my book, I become a specialist in dealing with women who are stuck with emotionally unavailable men. (Do you ever wonder how you keep ending up falling for a guy who can't commit?)

Sure, guys love sex! Sex is first and foremost in their reptilian brains. They can't help it. It's deeply embedded in their genetic codes. Don't fault them for that. Accept and embrace it, but know this: For men, sexual desire is the gate to romance. That's not to say that sex means love or that if you have sex with them, it will automatically translate into romance. Rather, for guys, romance needs sex to launch. And, guys rarely stay with a woman just for the sex. So if he's sticking around, but not committing, it's not the sex that is to blame.

Are You Sure He's Emotionally Unavailable?  Or Does Your Anxiety Make Him One?

My above mentioned client is worried that the only reason her guy is still around is the sex. I told her very matter-of-factly, "I'll be very blunt with you. The fact that he's still here despite your off-putting behaviors and constant neediness speaks volumes of his feelings toward you. Most other guys would have left long ago." (There is a reason why he's pulling away and here's what you need to do to keep him attracted)

And I was proven right now that they are a "real" couple.  He told her that he'd been in love for months but he was scared thanks to unfinished business with his ex whom he wasn't even divorced from.

I have my other two clients Mikaila and Arida who have also turned their relationships around by practicing my method!

If you think sex is everything that a guy wants, you're wrong. The sex alone isn't worth it if he doesn't like you all that much, especially if you constantly nag and create drama. Men love and want sex, but they are not that desperate for it. Finding someone to hook up with is easy. A good woman, on the other hand, is like a diamond; she's one in a million. Keep reading ...

More relationship advice from YourTango:

He's not committing or moving the relationship forward because he doesn't feel it on the gut level, or he has told you that he isn't ready or doesn't want a relationship. And as I said in my book, trust him on that! (What he wants you to understand but can never tell you.) So where does that leave you?

When a man feels that his needs are being met without having to actually label you or the relationship, he is not really motivated to change it. Who doesn't want the most benefits with the least investment? The principle of supply and demand also applies in love. So, if you have spent months or years in a low-investment, low-expectation relationship, you might also want to ask yourself why you have been taking this "painful" path in the first place. Are you sure you really want or are ready for a relationship? Be very honest.

How To Seduce A Man With Your Feminine Mystique

I was in a few casual relationships because I wasn't ready to plunge in a new relationship with both feet. I wasn't sold on the enmeshment of two lives that a committed relationship demands. I was okay with spending (lots of) time together, as long as I could go back to my single life when I was alone.

I didn't like to be checked in on or to have to explain my whereabouts every minute of the day. I didn't like making excuses about why I wanted to go on a trip by myself at a drop of a hat. I didn't feel compelled to limit my curiosity for meeting new, interesting guys. Though I wasn't actively searching, I didn't want that door to be closed either.

Relationship obligations can be too much for a person unless he/she is ready for it. And the potential for the emotional mess is so high it can really dampen our enthusiasm about being with him/her on a deeper level. That's the story behind emotional unavailability with many people. It's pure unreadiness. Keep reading ...

If you have done the self-analyzing, and you are pretty sure that a relationship is what you truly desire, there are steps you can take to have the tables reversed. Nudge your relationship forward by being more secure. A lot of women go around the commitment issue with their men the wrong way. They nag, give ultimatums or throw fits. That's not going to make him want to commit more. In fact, it has the exact opposite effect.

My method is always back to self-nourishment. Self-fulfillment is the answer to all of your relationship issues. Are you a happy person with healthy confidence and boundaries? Then you should be okay.  Many men are looking for and want to adore women like that. A woman like that has tons of options because she is a rare commodity.

If you have been nagging and doing so many relationship mistakes, you still can fix that by following this advice. But here are some remedial steps you can start taking now to avoid getting stuck in a relationship that isn't going anywhere:

1. Back off. Collect yourself, your thoughts, your aspirations, dreams, fears and triggers. Go on a hike or a walk and meditate on them. Have you been too clingy and needy as of late? Does it stain the closeness you once had? Pulling away and just focusing on fulfilling your own needs, at this point, is the first start. (Sign up for this one -of-a-kind Leaning Back and Cultivating Feminine Workshop to learn more this secret to a unlocking a man's intense desire for you!)

2. Don't use a relationship as security. Is your identity too much enmeshed in this relationship or the idea of being his girlfriend? If yes, then you have self-esteem issues. You don't want a relationship as much as you want the security of a relationship. The more you want security, the less likely you'll get it. Security only takes place when you fully embrace the insecurity inherent in every aspect of life, and that especially includes love.

3. Stop bringing the subject up. Just go about living your life to the fullest, which means you're committed to making your life so much more colorful that he will have to see the change in you and your availability. He will need to see you glow and radiate contentment and feminine allure.

Be different. Do things differently, change your routine or even look different! Spend more time with yourself and people around you like your girlfriends, colleagues, new friends, family members, etc. Make him wonder why you are not on his back as you usually were. Shock him.

4. Take some time for yourself. Take a trip by yourself or your friends. A trip is a great way to recharge yourself and — in the process — your stalled relationship. Why? Because when you are on a trip, you are brought into a new environment and experience. Keep reading ...

To him, it can induce his insecurities a little bit. He will wonder what you'll do and with whom and which new people you'll meet. You introduce a new challenge into the relationship, a new variable into the equation. That puts him on the edge, and he's afraid of falling off so his first instinct will be to grasp you tighter.

Be gracious and excited about telling your experience. The thrill will give you new blood, and he will notice the shifted vibe in you. And as I always say, the change in your relationship should start with the shifting of your energy. Your vibration needs to be raised first.

6. Move on. If you have done all those steps and he's still not stepping up, then girl, you really deserve a better man, don't you think? A woman like you shouldn't have a problem finding the right guy who will reciprocate everything you have to offer. Don't sell yourself short.

Next time, learn to love unconditionally and without expectations, yet only allow yourself to fall in love and be in love with a man who seeks, courts and claims you. Period. It's about you as well as the right choice of men.

I could go on and on, but the space is limited. To know more about this and to learn how to give a reverse ultimatum — instead of an ultimatum that rarely works — click here.

I know your struggle, and I wrote an ebook on the very subject. So far I have received very warm response from a lot of women in your predicament. You really don't have to try too hard.



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