Want to add spanking to your sex life?

Love, Sex

Spanking is a pretty common desire (on both sides of the ass smacking ;)

Who said you have to be into S&M in its entirety in order to enjoy a good spanking in bed?! This doesn't have to be the case -- at all. In fact, sometimes, the occasional spank is enough to spice things up for a bit, especially if it's performed as a spontaneous act. Of course, it certainly has the potential to 'up' the kinky factor in the bedroom, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be part of power play, but that might not be the case for you. Maybe you just enjoy the physical sensations that come along with the territory.


Spanking doesn't have to be intimidating... after all, the point is to build in some fun!

If you want to spank, or be spanked, it’s good to take a few minutes to think about what you’re looking to get out of it. Why do you want it, and what about it appeals to you? This might be different for everyone, but I am certainly not looking to get into a therapy session with you over the matter, nor am I trying to compel you to analyze why you like or dislike the act. I am merely suggesting that maybe having a talk with your partner -- about what makes you feel good and what takes it too far -- might bring you two closer together, helping to gap differences that you feel affect you both emotionally. If it's a new beau, a conversation like this might even lead to getting to know each other better. But here's exactly what this sexual introduction might bring to your life. Below, a breakdown:

  1. Maybe you'll enjoy the physical sensations as well as the accompanying sense of spontaneity
  1. ​Life shouldn't be about controlling another, but in sex, a little bit of control often adds appeal to both people, regardless of who's doing the spanking
  1. When performed in a consenting manner -- which is why it's important to have that honest conversation about what you appreciate (or hate) in bed -- this can add a sense of kinkiness if done during foreplay, while role-playing, or in the middle of the more vanilla type of sex.

The motivation behind the spanking might change each time, but making this either a part of the routine or adding it spontaneously might change the dynamic of your sex life for the better, provided that you both enjoy it. Talk about it! Don't be afraid to have these types of conversations, because if you can't be open and honest (and raw) about these types of things, maybe you're not with the right person. So try it out, because you never know. Bedroom talk is more important than you think, and can lead to intimacy in other areas of your lives.

Just a few tips before you jump in:

  • Spanking might as well be a science. Make sure to do it correctly (and do with that what you will).
  • Use variation (differ positioning of the hand; spank different parts of the ass).

Mostly, make certain that you're not too aggressive about it, unless it's what you're both into. Start off with slightly 'gentle' spanks if you need to get the hang of it -- I use 'gentle' loosely, given the nature of the situation. It may seem simple, and, well, it mostly is, but sometimes that's only once you’ve gotten the proper technique down. Striking the wrong area is guaranteed to create bad-pain as opposed to sexy-pain and that’s a sure-fire way to make it a bad experience. Learn where and how to spank so you both enjoy the play which will set you up to enjoy it in the future!

So don’t be afraid! Once you’ve talked about spanking with your partner (consent counts!), take your next sexual opportunity to add some spicy spanking to your adult play time!


Expert advice

If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
Several key behaviors stand out in order to help couples create a healthy relationship.
It seems like you can't do anything right.

Explore YourTango