My teenage son bought me a Kavu bag for my birthday to complete my "hippie look." It was the perfect gift given only by someone who really gets me. I thought about how strong our relationship has become. Similar to many post-divorce occurrences, it is not that it couldn't have happened when I was married, it's just that it counts as one of many happy results emerging from an unhappy situation. These are 10 lessons I learned from those happy results. No More Damsels In Distress Post-Divorce
1.I try to be closer to my child. I'm not saying you cannot be married and close to your children. But, often there seems to be a unique bond between the divorced and their children. Not having to divide attention between spouse and child accounts for some of it. Maybe the rest comes from having to live together through difficult times. I'm grateful for that closeness and work hard to cultivate it.
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2. I spend more time doing things I enjoy. After the necessary period of wallowing, I started doing things that made me happy. I ran more. I began studying life coaching and started practicing yoga. I wasn't a slug before, but post-divorce there was no one to ask me what it would cost, how much time away from them would be involved, who would watch my kid or how it would contribute to the family. I made choices that made me happy. Not surprisingly, things that make me happy contribute to the well-being of those around me.
3. I can live without a man. Not only that, but I discovered that I really like living without a man. I spend more time with friends. I spend more time working. I eat when and what I want and watch the movies I want. Don't get me wrong, I love sharing and doing things for others. I love men. It is just that I learned I do very well without having one around full-time.
4. I do things I never would have thought possible. Getting the wasp nest out of the mailbox, the bat out of the garage and buying a car may not seem like huge tasks and I'm not saying I am Wonder Woman. But, each time I accomplished one of those things I felt absolutely fantastic. It is empowering to manage things myself, instead of relegating them to the honey do list. The added benefit is that they actually get done.
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5. I am not alone. Perhaps it was having more opportunity or need, but I met a lot of people post-divorce and made a lot of friends. Support also comes from the legions of divorced people. They write and talk about divorce. You realize many post-divorce experiences are shared. It helps to be part of a community, even one I hadn't planned to join. 3 Recovery Skills You Need Post-Infidelity
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