When it comes to thinking and talking about sex, not much has changed over the years. Many of us still think of sex as full-on intercourse. Unfortunately, this way of thinking supports the notion that sex is all about performance when, in reality, there's so much more to sex.
An area in which this misguided notion is especially prevalent is in the advertisements for erectile dysfunction drugs—the message in these advertisements is clearly about being ready for sex, rather than about improving your relationship. And that's where their messages fall flat, and where—in some cases—they even become harmful.
We need to question the use and meaning of the phrase "erectile dysfunction." In many cases, what one is experiencing is not even true dysfunction. If the penis is functioning properly, even in a flaccid state, and there are no other organic issues present, then it's pretty safe to conclude that there's something else going on.
Unfortunately, too many women believe that the sight of their naked body should be enough to bring their partner to a state of full arousal/erection. Meanwhile, it's a known fact that women don't automatically become lubricated upon seeing their partner naked. Isn't this a double standard? Women's Bodies Make Men High, Literally
In addition, it's ridiculous to believe that the only way to be sexual, and enjoy sex, is through the final act alone. I think most of my fellow 31-Day Better Sex Challenge participants would agree that there's much more to a healthy sex life than intercourse.
For those who have tried erectile enhancement drugs, many women have discovered that the presence of a steady erection does not always lead to an enjoyable sexual experience, and certainly does not ensure intimacy. There are many other factors that contribute to a lack of both intimacy and sexual pleasure: stress from work, a poor physical condition, deficiencies in nutritional intake, some prescribed medications, lack of rest, anxiety, depression, lack of communication and, the biggest one of all, attitude!
Think back to when you had your first sexually arousing experience. For many of us, intercourse was not on the agenda, and yet the experience was immensely pleasurable. Instead of focusing all of our energy on performance, we need to shift our mindset to one in which the goals are fun, intimacy and pleasure. It's a hard transition for many to make because both men and women are invested in the erection, and in its use during intercourse. Men see it as the key to their masculinity, and women have their desirability validated by it. Male Take: When He Can't Get An Erection
To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Decide today to stop viewing sexual activity as a performance-based event. It should be about pleasure, fun and intimacy. Learn to explore what arouses each of you with the intent of experiencing pleasure in a loving, fun and intimate way.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Plan on expanding your sexual repertoire to include much more than just sexual intercourse. Think back to when you first met, and how you were so excited to learn about your partner's sexual response. Your attitude alone can affect how you feel about your sexual relationship, and your willingness to nurture and grow it.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Take turns exploring the sensate areas of your entire body... not just focusing on the genitals. Plan a night of total body exploration or massage, where you search for any and all areas that might be erotically stimulating.