It's about time!
You know that moment: You see a guy across the bar and you believe he’s looking back at you, only to discover that he’s actually looking at the cuter girl to your right. Ugh, humiliating!
For decades you’ve been told, "Men can’t help being attracted to beauty and youth, men are hardwired to notice the hot chick." (Meaning: they'll never change, so don’t hold your breath, "boys will be boys," etc.). Well, hallelujah, that excuse is officially off the table, thanks to a recent study from Northwestern University.
It seems that modern mate-attracting traits are catching up with the times. With more than 70 percent of mothers (with children under the age of 18) in the workforce, men are now reporting more interest in female intellect than eye candy.
(I'll pause to let surprised gasps fill the room.)
Yes, scientists found that in nations that favor equality between both sexes, men find intelligence in women highly attractive versus countries where unequal rights between men and women prevail.
And that makes sense since it’s becoming more and more necessary for both partners to work outside of the home. From an evolutionary stand point, of course you'd fine a highly intelligent partner attractive if you need someone to help maintain financial stability (rather than simply maintain a squeaky clean home).
So, what are men looking for EXACTLY?
According to Alice Eagly, one of the leads on the research team, men are looking for partners who help "minimize cost and maximize benefits for their future lives." And this shift is changing the dating game entirely, making it more important than ever to show up for a potential date having a secure sense of self, accomplishment, and direction for your life.
The ability to dig deep in your self-discovery process is also becoming more attractive than having the perkiest derriere or the prettiest face.
To launch your oh-so-attractive voyage into self-discovery, ask yourself these 3 questions:
- Who am I? Not your manufactured self that you present on Facebook, but your authentic self at your core.
- Are my lifestyle choices congruent with what I want in life?
- What changes can I make to align my lifestyle with my future vision?
With a clearer sense of who you are and where you’re going in life, you’ll start making choices that naturally attract a man who will support and share that vision. Desire is a powerful feeling, but the need for survival usually trumps any short-lived craving. And now, finally, data exists to prove that.
Of course, it's important for men to pay attention to these shifts occurring in the culture of marriage. With 38 percent of working women making more than the average working man — women are no longer just interested in a man who can provide financially. Women want a man who will join their team and help tackle this crazy hectic life together.
So gentlemen, if you want to attract a true modern-day woman, I suggest brushing up on your domestic skills, getting in touch with your feelings, and doing some manscaping while you're at it.
The game is certainly changing, ladies. The smart will rise to the top while those that depend on their youth and beauty will need to drum up some new tricks to land the man of their dreams.
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love and How to Start a Mental Health Private Practice. She owns a practice in New Prague, Minnesota where she lives with her husband, two kids, and two pups. Check out her YouTube channel, Super Living for more relationship tips.