How Singles Dated: Then And Now
Before online dating and matchmaking services existed, dating was simpler. Men and women met the old fashioned way: through friends and family, at events, church or while they were out and about. Since there were a limited number of ways for singles to meet, men and women were more thoughtful about the way they approached dating and their roles were clearly defined — men acted like men and women behaved like women.
In this day and age, online dating and matchmaking services have given singles exponentially more ways to meet. And since many women now act like men and many men aren't as clear on what their role is, listening to old, stale dating advice won't yield successful results. These worn-out approaches may catch a man's eye and land you a date or two. But if you want your dates with a man to turn into a promising relationship, you need dating advice that's insightful, meaningful, and empowering. Before we get to this advice, let's look at why the "same old" dating advice no longer works — and why modern dating rules are confusing. Knowing this will give you a better understanding of why real-world advice is needed.
Why the Same Old Dating Advice And Modern Dating Rules Don't Work
Old dating advice is fluffy and lacks substance. It focuses more on the superficial aspects, like showing your cleavage, being flirtatious and flipping your hair to get asked out on a date. It says to not call him unless he calls you. It tells you that dating is a numbers game, and to date as many people as possible.
When I put old dating advice into practice in my life, things felt forced. I felt like I was wearing a mask and being deceitful, keeping my inner beauty from shining through. I unintentionally behaved and acted in ways that compromised my integrity hoping to get asked out, which didn't make me feel good about myself. It diminished my self worth because I was at a man's mercy of whether he approved of me enough to ask me out. If you're a smart woman, the thought of having to behave in these ways just to get asked out, may leave you feeling cheap and disgusted.
Modern dating rules have become complicated as the role of men and women are blurred. Anyone can ask anyone out, no one knows who is supposed to pay, or if a date is really a date or just a hook up. Women who initiate contact are left wondering why they have a hard time attracting and dating masculine men. Following modern dating rules will make you feel discouraged and confused.
If you're sick and tired of getting dismal results in your love life, stop following old dating advice that lacks substance and modern dating rules that are confusing. Instead, follow real world dating advice, like these 12 nuggets of wisdom, and meet more of the right men and make meaningful connections.
Real World Dating Advice For Smart Women:
Dating Advice #1: Stop dating for a while
If you are no longer enjoying the dating process, don't force yourself to date. Stop dating if you're burned out, in the wrong mindset or carrying residual baggage from the past. When you're not having fun, the heavy energy of disappointment and skepticism will repel high quality men, reinforcing all of the reasons why you don't like dating. Get into the right frame of mind, open your heart and lighten your load. Working through and releasing negative energy prepares you for a better dating experience.
Dating Advice #2: Control your dating destiny
Getting dismal results tends to occur when you let your dating life happen to you. Instead of letting dating control you, do what's within your control. This means developing and sticking to a dating strategy. When you stick to your strategy, you won't be as tempted to hang out and hook up with good-looking bad boys, and you won't get sidetracked by the wrong relationships. You'll be able to hold a clear vision, stay the course, trust in the outcome and let the universe bring to you who you're supposed to be with.
Dating Advice #3: Embrace your single status
If you hate being single, you may come across as too eager and desperate, which scares good men away. This can also cloud your vision from seeing red flags because you’re fixated on being in a relationship. If you're having a hard time being single or feeling badly that you haven't found that special man, it's okay. Take this time to embrace and enjoy your single status so that you can learn the lessons needed in order to move forward and create the love you desire.
Dating Advice #4: Don't compare yourself to others
Stop comparing yourself to other women. You are on your own path in life and love. Your path is based on your experiences, what you need to learn and how you need to grow. The path your friend has taken may be more direct while your path may have more forks in the road. Both paths lead to the destination of love. It's my experience that the path with the forks in the road gives you a richer, more dimensional experience. Replace the temptation to compare yourself to others by believing that everything is happening for your greater good.
Dating Advice #5: Don't be yourself
If being yourself hasn't gotten you asked out on subsequent dates or captured a man's heart, act like a person you want to attract. For instance, if you have a hard time trusting men yet want a man who is trustworthy, work on your issues with trust. If you have a hard time being vulnerable and want a man who communicates openly, you will want to become more vulnerable. Remember, you attract who you are, not what you want. Determine the qualities and traits you'd like in your ideal man, and work on embodying those within yourself.
Dating Advice #6: Set the pace and standards
If you're tired of meeting men who try to rush you into having sex, bring back the genteel days of being wooed. When you let a man woo you, you learn if he is looking for a fling or is interested in getting to know all of who you are for a long-term relationship. Setting the pace and standards will bring forth the man who is right for you. This approach increases the probability of turning your dates into a promising relationship. Keep reading...
More from YourTango: How Mistakes & Failures Lead To True Love
More from YourTango: 5 Ways To Get Out Of Your Dating Rut & Start Having Fun Again
More dating coach advice from YourTango: