Have you ever dated a guy and for the most part, things are good? He’s smart, funny, and attractive. He hits most of your major “must haves” however; there is one thing that bothers the hell out of you…. His mother!
Does it seem like she is always around, sticking her nose into your relationship with him? She is needy and constantly calls him no matter how minor or severe the crisis of the day may be? She comes over unannounced, cooks cleans and does his laundry. She may throw few verbal jabs your way and may even be guilty of manipulating situations to her advantage. You are starting feel like you are constantly competing for his affection when it comes to her. The situation may be making you feel a little left out of your own relationship and at times, you may even consider telling him and his mother to get lost!
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If this sounds familiar, chances are you are dating a momma’s Boy. This is a common and very tricky situation to get caught in. You may keep telling yourself that he can change and honestly, he can. What you have to realize is that you have little to no power to make him change. This has to be something that he wants to do himself.
Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with being a momma’s boy. I will be the first one to admit that yes, I have a strong bond with both of my parents but the connection that I have with my Mom is very different from the one I have with my Dad. My Mom is the nurturer of our family and she raised me to be kind and considerate to others. Just by watching her, I have learned how to create balance between my partner, friends and family. She never discouraged or made it hard for me to go out into the world to find love. Although she has advised me on more than one occasion, she has always remained objective. If anything, she let me go to make my own mistakes, learn from my experiences and become the man that I needed to be for myself and not for her. (Thanks Mommy!)
Now, I have also dated a momma’s boy that made me realize that not all momma's boys are good. I know firsthand how difficult and exhausting this situation can be. On a quest to find a way to deal, I picked up a book called Dump That Chump by Debra Mandel, Ph. D and I really tried to understand what qualities make a good or a bad momma’s boy.
In my experience, I have noticed that the "bad" momma’s boys typically come from single parent households. This can be where the mother was the sole provider or households where the parents were together, but the father was emotionally estranged, or maybe even passed when the son was still in his developmental stages. To help cope with the situation, the mother has pampered and coddled the son and somewhere in her brain, she has transferred the relationship that she had or wanted to have with the father to her baby boy. According to Dr. Mandel, this creates an unhealthy attachment between mother and son making it a mutually dependent and often parasitic relationship.
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Eventually the cord needs to be cut. Unfortunately as a lover or partner, you have little to no power in this situation. The momma’s boy needs to be his own salvation, assuming that he wants things to change.
Here are 4 tips you can use if you are dealing with a momma’s boy and want to get your relationship on track: