7 Stages To Getting Over Infidelity


7 Stages To Getting Over Infidelity
A step by step plan to getting over the discovery of a cheating mate.

We have all been there. You’re in a relationship and find out that the one you love and trusted with all of your heart has betrayed you by “giving it up” to someone else. There’s no predictability involved in the scenario. You might think that things are at their best. Sometimes you might even acknowledge that things aren’t all that great but it’s something you want to work on. You are not exactly sure why he cheated, all you know is that you are mad as hell and caught up with the pain of a broken heart. How can you get past this?

Well, it would be simple to say that this is going to be easy, but we all know it’s not. Depending on the longevity of the relationship and the level of attachment, you are going to have to really do some soul searching in order to figure out your next steps.


The first thing you must remember is to not blame yourself. If someone cheats on you it is NOT your fault. Most times I find that the cheating has absolutely nothing to do with you or the dynamics of the relationship that has been betrayed. It has everything to do with the cheating partner’s low self-esteem, not knowing what they are looking for in a relationship, lack of maturity or even emotional or mental distress left over from past relationships.

You are going to experience a flood of confusing emotions during this time. Be assured that this is absolutely normal for you to feel because what has happened to you can be a very traumatic experience. You will undergo several stages of grief because the reality of the situation is that you are mourning the loss of the trust you had for your cheating partner and/or the relationship that you shared with him.

As for how long it will last, timing can vary depending on your personality. Some people are able to bounce back very quickly. For others, it can take months or even years before things start feeling normal again. Listed below are 7 stages you might experience when trying to cope with the infidelity.


So the initial discovery of your partner’s infidelity has been revealed. Depending on your personality, you may react in several different ways. You may be at a loss for words and may shut down completely. You may do the exact opposite and fly off the deep end, leaving a path of destruction in your wake. As hard is it may be for you, I recommend that you get away ASAP. Go somewhere where you can be alone. Now is not the time to have a conversation or try to find an explanation. People react to things very differently and although you think that you can keep your composure, you don’t want to put yourself in a position for things to escalate.

Next: Denial...

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J. Cameron Gantt

Dating Coach

J. Cameron Gantt is a Certified Life Coach and Matchmaker for Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. He is a featured contributor for various dating and relationship websites offering expert advice on GLBT dating and relationships.

Connect with J. Cameron at www.instigaytor.com and receive his FREE E-Gude “3 Secrets To Attract More Dates!”



Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: CPC
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