50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Why It's OK For Men To Judge Women On Their Looks

By

Marilyn Monroe on black background

I've recently received a few emails from women who are suffering from what could only be deemed a "high-class" problem: after losing 40 lbs, they have too many dating options.

And instead of basking in the glow of accomplishment, instead of appreciating the luxury of being able to be more selective with men, these women are resentful. Why? Because the men they're now attracting would never have given them a shot six months ago at their heaviest weight. Discover The Psychology Of Attraction

More from YourTango: Why Online Dating Works: A Rebuttal

So while they'd love to simply be in the moment and enjoy the act of discovery, they find themselves caught in their own heads, feeling like impostors, and worse, looking down on the very men who are courting them.

Got it.

Let's flip the script for a second, shall we?

There's an intelligent, successful, charming bachelor in his 40s. Let's call him George Clooney.

So George, sick of women throwing themselves at him because he's rich and famous, decides to go undercover. He grows out his beard, he gains weight, he starts wearing ripped sweatpants wherever he goes. He's the exact same guy underneath, but it’s really important that a woman want him for him—not just for the dashing image he projects and the life he can provide. I'm Not Attracted To Him: Do I Date Him?

Now, George looks like a homeless man. He still has great knowledge of Darfur, Edward R. Murrow, and the politics behind oil. He can still turn a phrase and crack a joke. He still has an amazing smile. He just can’t talk about being an Academy Award winner, lest anyone value him for something superficial.

It would probably not surprise you that George would struggle in his quest for love. He may blame women for not valuing him as a homeless man as much they did as an actor—but he'd be the one losing out.

And that's where women who resent men who are attracted to them in their "after" form are boxing themselves in. See, we can't separate looks from the package. It's part of the package, whether we like it or not. A store might have amazing and classy merchandise, but if there's a misspelled sign outside, flyers on the window, and graffiti on the door, you might not go in to find out. Is that your fault for judging the book by its cover? No, it's the store's fault for not realizing that looks matter.

More from YourTango: Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page

Simply put, when a man finds you attractive, he will take the time to learn about your amazing personality. If he doesn't find you attractive, he won't. Which way would you rather have it? What Are Signs Of Attraction

On a personal note, I have dated three women who lost over 50 lbs and had the same exact issues that you did. One girlfriend used to complain to me that the men in the gym were looking at her and remark that they never looked at her before. As if the men were to blame for buying into conventional societal standards of beauty.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Evan Marc Katz

Dating Coach

Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women and Your Personal Trainer for Love. Go to my website and get my free eBook: "The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Definitely Making in Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly!"

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Evan Marc Katz:

Why Online Dating Works: A Rebuttal

By

If you're a card-toting, New York Times-reading liberal, like I am you probably get as upset as I do when the GOP spends all its energy trying to repeal Obamacare, based on fictional tropes like "death panels". While Obamacare is an imperfect act, the major ideas behind it are to get 30 million more people affordable health care, and to prevent ... Read more

Online Dating? Make Sure You're On The Same Page

By

You've read all of the dating tips. You put your profile online. You weed out the creepy guys, the poor spellers, the stalkers, the old men, the guys who winked and the guys who give their phone number in the first email. Naturally, you're left with a small core of decent men. You write back to a few. You flirt. You exchange private emails. You talk on ... Read more

Why You Should Date Your Complement, Not Your Clone

By

**Don't miss your chance to chat with Evan on the YourTango Facebook page this Thursday, October 6th at 2pm ET. Find out more about the event and RSVP here!** Once upon a time, I received a phone call from an entrepreneur who told me that she was going to build the best online dating site ever: Fuego Connect. The problem with dating sites, she ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Relationships Problems: How To Stay Committed In Your Marriage

Has The Three-Year Itch Become The New Seven-Year Itch?

There has been an exponential increase in the number of people who are questioning their marriage.

Cuffs

Emotional Vampires: Skills for Dealing with the Narcissist

Expert, Margaret Jacobson shares insights gained from Albert Bernstein's, book Emotional Vampires

Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS