To find out why men disappear from your life, click here Billed as a “personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women,” dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping singles find love since 2003. Scores of his clients have gotten married, started families, and found happiness – after only a few months of phone coaching. It’s an unlikely career for a man – much less a man who was called a “serial dater” by CNN - yet that’s what makes Katz such a unique coach.
By helping women understand men – what they think, how they act, and what they really want – he empowers them to make healthy, informed choices in love. Katz likens his 12-week Commitment Course to a Masters Degree in Men, and the metaphor is apt. His clients invariably find their education about men lessens their frustration and increases their likelihood of attracting a like-minded long-term partner.
Katz started his career in customer care at JDate, during which he wrote his first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating” (Ten Speed Press, 2004). Its release coincided with the online dating boom, and soon, Katz found himself in high demand, with features in USA Today, The Wall St. Journal, and Time Magazine. His follow-up venture, E-Cyrano, was the first company that wrote online dating profiles for thousands of frustrated singles. Quickly, Katz realized that people needed support in all aspects of dating, and expanded his suite of services into dating coaching...even though he’d never had a relationship longer than 8 months. The irony didn’t escape him, and Katz gave his blog the tagline: “Because Who Knows More About Dating than a Guy Who’s Still Dating?” The blog soon became the centerpiece of his site, with Katz answering hundreds of reader questions with logic, wit and empathy, like the unlikely spawn of Dr. Drew, Adam Carolla and Dear Abby. But like many experts who say one thing and do another, Katz began to notice his own hypocrisy. His second book, “Why You’re Still Single – Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad” (Plume, 2006), was a critical success, yet the dating coach was ignoring the very same advice that was leading his clients to love. It wasn’t until Katz took his own wisdom that he met his future wife – and became a much better dating coach in the process. By opening up to a new kind of partner, Katz proved that to get different results in love, you have to make different choices. He’s very glad he did. These days, Katz works primarily with the clients with whom he most identifies – smart, strong, successful women who have everything… except a lasting relationship. With an array of products, group coaching, and one-on-one coaching, Katz offers something for every single woman who wants to get better results in her love life. His latest book, "Why He Disappeared - the Smart, Strong, Successful Woman's Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever" is available exclusively on his website.
Evan Marc Katz is married and lives in Los Angeles with his incredibly cool, incredibly patient, incredibly beautiful wife.
The Reason I Became A Helping Professional
Dating and relationship coaching was a career that called to me, even when I wasn't listening. I graduated from Duke, gave up the safe law path, and headed to Hollywood to write romantic comedies.
To support myself, I was answering phones at an online dating company in Beverly Hills. While working there I realized that I was having great success in a medium where most others failed. This led me to write my first book, "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating" in 2003. Next thing I knew, I was in Time Magazine, USA Today, on CNN... I promptly dropped out of UCLA Film School and devoted my full attention to helping others find love...even though I hadn't yet found it myself. I know. Ironic. in 2004, I built a site that wrote online dating profiles (E-Cyrano) - and after people had success, they'd ask for more assistance with online dating. Next thing I knew, I was coaching people online. When my clients started having success online, they'd ask for more help with real-life dating. Next thing I knew, I was dating coaching.
When my clients had success in dating, they'd ask for more help with relationships. My practice grew to meet the needs of my clients - and I received all my training "on the job". Finally, after thousands of hours of coaching, I have become an effective advocate who gives his clients complete power and control over their own love lives. I love working with smart women who want to understand and connect with men. I identify strongly with them, understand their struggles, and always give them the advice they need to hear - not just what they want to hear. I'm passionate about this work and I firmly believe that I can make a difference in anyone's life who is open to personal growth. As for me, after all this coaching, I realized that I wasn't listening to my own advice. I was being negative and judgmental. I wasn't opening up my search to different partners. I wasn't evaluating women on their most important assets. When I finally did start to practice what I preached, it was like magic. Within two years, I fell in love, got married, and now we're starting a family. Please enjoy all the free advice here on YourTango, and, if you like what I have to say, drop me a line. I look forward to showing you a new path to love.
Tom originally reached out to me in 2006. Attractive, successful, athletic, charming - he had everything going for him. Except his height. At 5'3", Tom had a hard time attracting women online since his divorce. Coincidentally, I'd been talking with CBS Early Show about doing a segment at the time, and, the next thing you know, Tom and I are on TV together. He gets a flurry of attention, dates around a bit, tries a few relationships and is then blindsided as he's diagnosed with a neurological disease like M.S.. Suddenly, the 5'3" accountant can't walk without a walker and extensive rehab. His love life is put on hold.
Tom returns to me a year and a half later; depressed and frustrated at his lot in life. He has so much to give, but no one will give him the time of day. We immediately dive back into coaching, and I'm nearly bubbling over because of the information I want to share with Tom.
See, Tom's weakness was the same as most of our weaknesses - he expected everyone to overlook his deficiencies, but he wouldn't really consider overlooking most women's deficiencies. In other words, the 5'3" guy who can't even walk is rejecting women who are a few years older or a few pounds overweight.
What I pointed out to Tom, as his coach and friend, was that the "10s" in looks were rarely "10s" in personality, kindness, humor, empathy, and integrity. I encouraged him to look at his past for verification of this. His refusal to consider women outside his very narrow definition of attractive was effectively relegating him to a life of solitude. Unless that's what he wanted, something had to give.
It was like a fire was lit under him.
Here is the last email I received from him.
"I just wanted to take this time to say “Thank you” for everything you have done for me. The lady I met on Match when we were engaged in our last coaching session and I have not only turned into a couple, but finally exchanged mutual “I love you’s” this past weekend. To top it all off, we both have gone off of Match and are literally making plans for all the things we desire to do with each other, and that includes a trip to Broadway in December.
Obviously, I understand there are risks inherent in any presumption concerning the future, but the most important thing is the fact your coaching and, particularly, your friendship, was a factor in this development. I’ve never been happier, walking disorder and all. My friend, by the way, embraces me with the disorder and is a real gamer, never uttering a complaint or ill thought during the times when I need a little assistance.
Interestingly, although she is “attractive,” she’s not a “10” by what I suggest may be other people’s standards. As you know, I had been out with quite a few “10’s” and have to say the women who are not “10’s” are just so much more fun to be with, maintain a friendship with and a love that is two ways, as opposed to one, and are much lower on the emotional maintenance side. And for the crème de la crème, my short stature means absolutely nothing to her (the “10’s” are much more judgmental in that regard). I will add our sex life is off the charts (the non 10’s try harder, and that’s great in the bedroom!).
In any event, thanks again for all your guidance. I could go on and on about all we have been through (you and I) and may even be equipped to write a little book on it now (LOL), but I just want to express my sincere and deep gratitude for all you have done for me. That session concerning “wants” and “needs” hit home. I suggest it was no coincidence after I learned that lesson from you my love life took a turn for the best.
Thank you, Ev, I love you man!
P.S. If you ever want a little testimonial, reference, or, especially, have another really short guy looking for some inspiration, you know where to look buddy.
Marianne was a single mother and an engineer, living with her teenaged daughter in Long Island. When we first worked together, I was impressed with how marketable she was. With her brilliant blue eyes and blond hair, she had the looks that would attract hundreds of men - what she didn't have was the wherewithal to make the right decisions with them.
Within a few months of our initial coaching, Marianne found love. The New York Times even did a story on us, and how I'd helped her land an amazing guy online. Alas, that relationship wasn't meant to be. Marianne moved on and returned to me as a member of my Inner Circle Group Coaching Program.
Through biweekly calls, Marianne once again steered herself back into a relationship. He was passionate, he treated her well, they were compatible in 1000 ways...except he couldn't get along with her daughter. After 8 months, this proved to be a dealbreaker.
So Marianne returned to the Inner Circle for more coaching. She'd been hurt before, but learned from coaching that "the next man has nothing to do with the last man". Using the same techniques that she'd mastered previously, Marianne finally found herself in another relationship, with a completely different type of man.
Instead of repeating her patterns, she realized that to get a different result, she had to consider a different kind of partner. Her boyfriend is a good blend of the creative and the masculine - working with his hands, playing guitar, and leaving all the number crunching and analysis to Marianne, the engineer.
Marianne's perseverance and devotion to coaching gave her the structure to learn that each relationship contains a very valuable lesson, if only you listen to it.
Carol is a naturally self-aware woman who redefines the concept of being young for her age. She plans singles events, goes on church outings, and throws dinner parties like Martha Stewart. But after a successful 40 year marriage, she was lost about how to start over.
Thankfully, her attitude and positive spirit took all of my teachings and took it to a new level. After working with me for a few months, Carol dated over 40 men in the subsequent years.
Even after we were complete with our coaching, she would email me with progress reports and stories. She became a regular reader of my free newsletter and blog, and sent dozens of women my way.
And this was BEFORE she found love in the least expected form. While Carol was wealthy and sophisticated, her partner was more salt-of-the-earth. He wasn't wealthy or polished. He wore cowboy hats and had facial hair. What he did, more than anyone she'd meet in her dating journey, was to "get" her and make her feel like the most precious woman in the universe. Amazingly, this man from Appalachia, who was 12 years younger than Carol, turned out to be the perfect foil for her.
She realized that she didn't need a man who was wealthier or educated than she was. She needed a man who was more MAN than she was - a person to lean on, and laugh with, and touch, and share.
Like many relationships, it was not obvious at first glance, but because of Carol's incredible spirit, determination, and self-awareness, she was able to land herself the perfect catch.
Lori was an easy client to help - on the surface. Smart, successful, beautiful, relationship oriented - and enthusiastic about starting a family of her own. Her problem? She was drawn to emotionally unavailable guys.
Like clockwork, she'd invest a lot of time and energy in men who would never pay off - not because they were mean, but because they were ambivalent. And Lori's nervous and negative energy certainly wasn't helping them come to any conclusions.
Apart from rebranding her on Match.com as a means of creating new opportunity to meet men, the biggest work we did together was to prevent Lori from getting in her own way when she liked a guy.
This meant embracing a more passive, feminine side, which allows men to feel masculine and earn her commitment. Simply by stepping back and letting each man try to woo her, Lori began to feel more desirable. When a man disappointed, she didn't take it personally. She saw it as a lack of commitment on his part, which enabled her to move on to a better man.
Seven weeks into our coaching, Lori met Kenneth. He had all the traits of the men she'd desired in the past except these two: he was more quiet and introverted, which allowed Lori to shine more, and, 2) he was incredibly devoted to her. When her father was hospitalized, he stood by her side. When Lori got the flu, he was over her place with chicken soup. And, to her credit, Lori didn't fault him for being "too nice, too soon". She was thrilled to finally have a man who treated her well, showed her consistency, and allowed her to be a vulnerable woman.
Lori finished her coaching with a boyfriend - a thought she couldn't even fathom three months before.
|Main Specialty||Dating/Being Single Support|
|Time in Practice||6-10 years|
|I practice in||All areas, please inquire|
|I offer my services||Telephone|
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