Think Calendars Aren't Sexy? Think Again!

By

Think Calendars Aren't Sexy? Think Again!
Why long-term sexual fulfillment is hiding in your day planner.

I don't have to mention that regular sex between a couple is incredibly important. Regular sex is often the glue that keeps a relationship working happily. Two people might have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company, but except in uncommon cases, when the sex stops, if the relationship continues, usually one or both of the partners becomes frustrated, and frankly, prone to cheating.

While "too much great sex" isn't something that I've heard anyone complain about, it's extremely difficult to maintain a happy, satisfying long-term relationship when a couple aren't on the same page sexually.

 

Sometimes relationships start off hot and heavy. The sex is so good it seems like a revelation. We reorganize our calendars, decide the other person is heaven-sent, and generally thank our lucky stars that things are going so well. Then, over time, as we get more committed, often the sexual dynamic slows down.

So how do you prevent a normal sexual slow-down from turning into a full-on drought? The answer lies in—gulp—your calendar.

Most people groan when I mention scheduling sex. Scheduling sounds clinical and somehow forced. I can see the eye rolling and groaning, and to be honest, I used to feel the same way. Scheduling sex sounds so clinical.

In practice, this is not so!

Here are six reasons why you should sit down with your partner and get your calendar out, right now.

  1. Scheduling guarantees life won't get in the way.

    Often when people get busy, their desire to hit the sheets is the first thing to fall by the wayside. Putting sexy time on the calendar takes away 'busy' as an excuse for 'stale.'

  1. Scheduling helps you get in the mood.

    Have you ever felt like you were too exhausted/unsexy to do the deed? Having an agreed-upon time gives you the opportunity to prepare and get into a sexier mindset. It gives both people something to plan for.

  1. Anticipation has time to build.

    After getting into the habit of planned sexy time, just seeing the appointment on your calendar along with something to look forward to is exciting. There is a thrill in knowing it's going to happen and getting to fantasize in advance.

  1. Our habits determine our success.

    Ever tried to create change in your life? It doesn't happen right away, right? Just like creating anything else worth having, building an amazing, sexy relationship takes time.

    Our habits throughout that time determine our long-term success. Same with sex. While sex sometimes seems like a one-off act, it really isn't. Passion between a couple doesn't have to wane over time. If you nurture the passion between you by setting aside to connect regularly, the passion will grow.

  1. Scheduling doesn't negate spontaneity.

    Sometimes people complain that scheduling "isn't spontaneous." This is true, it isn't.

    The thing is, you don't have to stop being spontaneous because you've scheduled a bi-weekly nooky session. There is still the opportunity to grab your partner and go at it if you're both feeling it. Making a plan just makes it so that you're not hoping that the mood will strike.

  1. Scheduling prevents rejection.

    Feeling rejected is the worst, right? If you've heard "no" from your partner one too many times, it can feel like you've lost your groove and start deeply affecting your self esteem.

    If you're the one who's turning down sex, it might have nothing to do with your partner, but over time it gets hurtful. Especially when you're going through a patch where you just aren't saying "yes" often.

    This is why having a plan for sex is so helpful. As long as you both let yourselves get into the mood before your appointment comes, scheduling prevents either person from feeling that the other person doesn't want them.

     

Have you had success scheduling sex? Planning on trying it? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.

 

More Sex advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Elizabeth Stone

Author

Ever feel like your heart just got ripped out and your guy danced the samba on it?  Do you want one more chance, to make things amazing again? Let me help you rewind your relationship back to the way it was at the beginning, before he pulled away and became cold and distant.

I know what it feels like to wake up with sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, hoping, wishing that you could turn back the clock and make things better again.

Find out what to do when a guy withdraws from you and turn your relationship around now.

Location: Las Vegas, NV
Credentials: BA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Elizabeth Stone:

7 Ways to Avoid Acting Clingy and Desperate

By

"You're too clingy," he said, after a breakup speech that left a knot in my gut. "But … I just thought … things were going well," I said, with the sudden sharp urge to crawl under the table. Ouch. Ever had someone dump you or pull away without warning? This happened to me over and over in different ways until I got ... Read more

4 Surefire Ways To Bring That Spark Back Into Your Relationship

By

"Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." — Simone Weil This morning, I was busy French pressing coffee for my husband and me. Everything was going great; I was happily humming along, looking forward to starting my day. My lovely husband came up behind me and bear hugged me gently. Now, I'll admit that I ... Read more

Break Up or Make Up? 7 Important Questions to Ask Yourself

By

One really common question that I get often is, "How do I know when I should break up with someone?" or it's variation, "I really love this person but how do I know if something is a deal breaker?" Without a well-rounded perspective on what your relationship is really like, whether you should stay or go is my best guess—and you ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular