Who's Playing Games? 4 Ways To Be Authentically Hard To Get

By

Dating Tips: 4 Ways To Be Authentically Hard To Get
Don't start your relationship off with a cheap gimmick.

I've always hated the term "playing hard to get" because it reeks of inauthenticity. When you're out there setting fake traps for men to fall into, what does this say about your inner world? Why does being fake with men supposedly (as we're told) win men's affections?

So, should you try to play hard to get with men? For me, the answer is a resounding no. No, you shouldn't play hard to get. Why? You should value yourself enough to be authentic with men, and most importantly with yourself. It's not fun or authentic to be on guard when a guy shows interest. If you start out a relationship with a gimmick, you have to maintain it, otherwise the relationship suffers.

 

However, this is vastly different than actually being hard to get. Being hard to get is a state of mind whereby you honor your own needs over those of someone else. You have enough self-esteem and confidence to not concern yourself with engineering your interactions with men and just have interactions with men.

When you're really interested in someone you just met, it's important to express the interest in getting to know them but not clear off your schedule for the next month in hopes he'll want to hang out. Being hard to get is valuable. Playing hard to get is cheap. Having a strong backbone while remaining feminine is an incredibly valuable trait that will gain men's love and respect. Being fake with men just perpetuates the mistaken notion that when women say "no" it’s not a real "no." This is, frankly, wrong and bad for all of us as women.

So how do you do this? Here are my four ways to honor your own needs while drawing him closer at the same time.

1. Put Down Your Technology
Don't train anyone in your life to be able to reach you at any second. This eliminates the expectation that you'll always text back right away and gives him some room to miss you and wonder what you're up to. Space and time in a new relationship is an excellent thing.

2. Refuse To Clear Off Your Schedule Preemptively
Have you ever fallen into the trap where you meet someone new and all of a sudden you are hoping that they'll make plans for Friday so you turn down girls' night? Because you were hoping that maybe he would want to hang out?

Start making him fit into your schedule instead of vice versa. Don't be so quick to throw yoga class under the bus to hang out. If he wants to see you, he'll make the time. The key here is authenticity. If you are free on Saturday, tell the truth. If you aren't, don't cancel any plans to hang out with Mr. New and Shiny.

3. Maintain Your Boundaries.
Be polite with men, but firm. If you're going to your weekly pottery class and he begs you to cancel, give him an alternate day to go out. Don't cave in to giving up your interests.

Also, don't start inviting yourself into his life. Don't assume that you both are spending time together unless that is the actual plan.

4. Show Your Interest And Have Fun
If you're having fun on the date, have fun on the date. Laugh and play. People don't do it enough. As someone who has always been accused of being "too serious," I've found that lightening the mood really goes a long way toward building rapport with men. Then, if you didn't have the love match you were hoping for, at least you both had a good time and created a nice memory.

Genuinely having a good time has an additional benefit, and this is that men are incredibly attracted to happy women. In the long run, drawing him closer because of your genuine zest for life will make him fall for you like a ton of bricks.

Are you having problems with guys losing interest and pulling away from you? Let me help you here.

What are your thoughts? Are you hard to get? Tell me in the comments.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.

More on Dating Tips from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Elizabeth Stone

Author

Ever feel like your heart just got ripped out and your guy danced the samba on it?  Do you want one more chance, to make things amazing again? Let me help you rewind your relationship back to the way it was at the beginning, before he pulled away and became cold and distant.

I know what it feels like to wake up with sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, hoping, wishing that you could turn back the clock and make things better again.

Find out what to do when a guy withdraws from you and turn your relationship around now.

Location: Las Vegas, NV
Credentials: BA
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Elizabeth Stone:

11 Signs You’re Dating a Toxic Narcissist

By

Among the types of people who can really muck up your life, there is the toxic narcissist. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. These self-centered folks can be simply more focused on themselves or it can cross over into an actual personality disorder. Either way, narcissists are legendarily difficult to have relationships with, so if you are truly coping with ... Read more

Break Up Or Make Up? 7 Important Questions To Ask Yourself First

By

One really common question that I get often is, "How do I know when I should break up with someone?" or it's variation, "I really love this person but how do I know if something is a deal breaker?" Without a well-rounded perspective on what your relationship is really like, whether you should stay or go is my best guess—and you ... Read more

7 Golden Rules To Keep You From Being A Clingy Girlfriend

By

"You're too clingy," he said, after a breakup speech that left a knot in my gut. "But … I just thought … things were going well," I said, with the sudden sharp urge to crawl under the table. Ouch. Ever had someone dump you or pull away without warning? This happened to me over and over in different ways until I got ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular