Is Monogamy Too Much To Expect?

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Frosted Rings
Sex and the Psychological City: what the girls taught us about being monogamous.

Welcome back to Sex and the Psychological City!

If you have read my earlier posts you are familiar with my confession that I was a hipper psychotherapist when my go-to girlfriends — Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha  — were on the air, with fresh new material on everything from masturbation to marriage. Granted, their wardrobes and lifestyles were totally unrealistic, but the fashion and fabulousness worked well as a delivery platform for groundbreaking discussions about sex, commitment, friendship and love. How To Handle Infidelity

 

Since I specialize in relationships and intimacy, the show became an ideal co-therapist that I've brought into the therapy session whenever appropriate. A lot has changed since the show first aired in 1998. Try to imagine a dating world void of blackberries, iphones, texting and Facebook! And yet, it is shocking to watch early episdoes and realize that the core issues remain the same. In honor of the show, I am taking a trip down Memory Lane that considers each first season episode, from a psychological perspective. 

Episode seven, The Monogamists, begins with Carrie's embarrassed confession that she has become that stereotypical, romance-obsessed woman who drops all her friends in response to falling head over heels for a guy. With four-hour conversations flying by in what feels like minutes, she admits that New York City may be full of people, but Big has become the only one she notices. When Miranda tracks her down and asks her to join the gang for dinner, Carrie commits the quintessentially annoying faux pas of saying she is free because Big is busy. Miranda is offended yet amused and calls Carrie out on her lame comment. 'Sex And The City' Helps Me Be A Better Therapist

Carrie proceeds to enjoy a chic dinner with her go-to girlfriends, and shares with them just how smitten she is with Big. She then waltzes gleefully through the restaurant only to discover Big at a cozy corner table, on a date with a gorgeous brunette! Reeling and humiliated, Carrie wonders how they could respond to the same series of great dates, intimate talks and steamy sex so differently?

"For me, dating another guy would be like trying to fit another outfit into any already overstuffed suitcase, but Big was happily dating another woman like it was the most natural thing in the world! Is it that men have an innate aversion to monogamy? In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become too much to expect?"

How do the go-to girlfriends view monogamy?

Carrie attempts to process her crushed ego by examining how her nearest and dearest navigate the issue of monogamy.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Elisabeth LaMotte

Counselor/Therapist

Social worker, psychotherapist, blogger and author of "Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce"

Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: LICSW, MFT, MSW
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support, Divorce/Divorce Prevention
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