Jenny dressed up in her sexy red mini dress, stylish very high heels, and made sensual, inviting remarks to Tom all through their romantic dinner date. He even appeared to respond with seductive words and sensual touch. But that only lasted at the restaurant. When they got home, the mood somehow shifted. He went directly to his computer to "finish some business he had forgotten he needed to do." Jenny waited patiently, coaxing him to "Come to bed." Finally and reluctantlhy, he closed his computer, washed up and joiner her in the bed. As she reached out to touch him, he said abruptly, "I'm so tired. I need to get some sleep now. Let's do this later, tomorrow."
Hank gave in to Judy's request to see "her type of movie," romantic, slow moving, and definitely not his favorite type of action show. He also agreed to eat at that health food place that serves skimpy portions, although he loves to indulge in a huge, satisfying meat and potatoes meal. Hank held Judy's hand and put his arm around her when they walked. He often reminded her about how beautiful she looks, how soft her hair is and how much he likes to touch her. He tried to stir up her desire with casual sexy innuendoes. But just when he thought he was getting somewhere, his sexual passes were shot down. She told him she could not stay over because she has something important to do the following day.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Have you been trying and trying to get your partner sexually interested while you keep receiving the cold shoulder? Have you been avoiding sexual contact with the partner you "say" you love? Was your relationship once hot and heavy but the pzazz seems to have disappeared and you are struggling to bring it back?
Sexual interest, sexual desire, sexual fantasies, sexual passions and sexual behaviors are complex. Each of us has our own unique Love Map, a term coined by noted researchers, sexologist and psychologist, Dr. John Money. We really don't know what is going on in anyone else's consciousness. We don't know what fantasies are lurking in another person's brain. We don't know what images they have seen or words they have heard that triggered something in their brain's pleasure center. We don't know what words or actions or body language we have expressed that is turning them on or suppressing their sexual interest.
Think about yourself and your own thoughts, desires and sexual interests. Do you have fantasies about something you have never told anybody about? Have you done something sexual that you have kept a secret from everyone, including your best friend? Do you get turned on or turned off by some subtle action or physical attribute or body movement of another person? Have you honestly shared all of your thoughts and feelings, desires, turns and turnoffs with another person?