Sexless in Nebraska
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No sex, no physical attention, minimal eye contact, separate bedrooms. The marital estrangement combination platter - with fries.
True to life? Absolutely. It would be awfully nice if this were just a Hollywood dramatization. But in fact it happens all the time in real life.
Now what, one might ask, would cause Hope Springs’ Arnold to hang a “no trespassing” sign on himself, especially with such a nice woman as Kay for a wife? The answer is surprisingly simple. (Skip the following if you're about to see the movie).
True to life
Years ago, it turns out, Kay was feeling unhappy that Arnold wasn’t more fully involved during sex -- that he seemed “ to want it, but not me.” (True to life? Absolutely. It’s one of the more common complaints among married women in my sex therapy office.)
Frustrated that Arnold wouldn’t listen when she tried to express how she felt, Kay briefly withheld sex, hoping to get his attention. The plan backfired. Feeling criticized and hurt, Arnold too went on strike. Permanently.
Before I became a sex therapist, I would have thought this incredible. Now I find it utterly believable. It’s the kind of emotional stalemate that often happens to individuals who can’t express themselves very well. That includes a lot of folks.
More from YourTango: On going to the place of pure feeling
But notice something: Even though the problem involves sex, it’s not really ABOUT sex. It’s about feelings. That’s also very true to life.
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