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Dear Daughter: Love Lessons From Mom

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Life Coach: A Mother's Letter To Her Daughter
She deserves an amazing partner. Let's make sure she knows it. Photo: mikebaird, Flickr.
Men are not fish... so stop trying to catch one!

A therapist and life coach sits down to write her daughter a letter about the types of men she should avoid  and how to know when it's the real thing. This is motherly advice we can all learn from.

Dear Daughter,

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Throughout your lifetime you will run into lots of advice about how to "catch" a man, how to "be attractive" to men, how to "keep" a man... the list goes on. Can I tell you right now that that advice is pure and total crap? Sure, you can follow those instructions and "catch" yourself a man, but if you've followed said advice, is he really going to be the man you want? Because if a man has to be caught like a bass fish then you might consider setting him free, and instead look for a partner; not a fish. As you constantly tell me: "Just sayin'."

So here, my wonderful girl, are some qualities that I think should be non-negotiable for the man who is lucky enough to be a partner in your life. 

1. Don't bother with a man who you think cares about you but can't show you or say so. 
If he can't tell you how much he loves you, then he's not going to be able to handle the big conversations that are required for a healthy, long-term relationship. Not to mention that you deserve to hear words that relay love and affection throughout your entire life. 

2. Don't even think of spending more than a few hours with a man who isn't every bit as interested in you as you are in him. 
If you've gone on a couple of dates with him and he hasn't asked you any questions about you, run like an ax-murderer is chasing you. Just RUN! The best relationships are filled with mutual respect and mutual interest in each other's lives. Self-centeredness is truly one of the worst qualities you can find in a potential mate. 

3. If a man says he wants to take care of you, I'm suggesting you move on
You are not a fragile doll to be cared for — and neither is he. Loving couples take care of each other because they are partners in life. 

4. A man who is completely focused on your appearance might be enticing at first... but don't do it
Of course you want him to be attracted to you and you to him, but if he's only about your breasts, he's unlikely to value how brilliant, clever, and funny you are.  Do you want your breasts to be the focus of your relationship until the end of time? (I don't).

5. Don't spend your time with a man that you want to change as soon as you can
If you can't live with his bad habits or qualities now, then you shouldn't be with him in the future. He will only change if and when he wants to.

6. Finally, don't ever settle for a man who only offers you crumbs of love.  
You will go through life starving. Love fully and completely and don't settle for anything less in return. 

Don't let loneliness or insecurity dictate whom you love. That won't be real or satisfying — it will be filling a deficit in your life. Find a man from a place of security and confidence so that you don't feel you need him to "complete" you, but rather you want him to be the person you love and who loves you back. 

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist and life coach at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com. You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com

More from YourTango: Teaching Your Kid To Fear Disappointment? You Should Stop NOW

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Lisa Kaplin

YourTango Expert Partner

Dr. Lisa J. Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist you can reach her at:

www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com

 

Location: Long Grove, IL
Credentials: CPC, ELI-MP, MS, PsyD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Lisa Kaplin:

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