3 Simple Steps For Lasting Love

By

camping
Learn how to turn a rocky relationship into a loving, happy one that lasts forever!

Are you in a rocky relationship? Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation? Whether you have been dating for two months or married for 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple. Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever. Can I turn it all around, you wonder? Is it even possible now? Relationship Problems? Try Dwelling on the Positive

Well I have some great news for you. It is possible if you have the courage to go for it. All you need to do is follow three simple steps. And pow, you can become super happy with your partner. Here is the three step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love:

1. Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs. These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:

Dear Dr. Diana,

Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house, he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn't good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving, so I was standoffish.

While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I'm always complaining that he doesn't give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs. I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don't think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn't doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt. The first light bulb just came on!

Next: Step 2: Journal about your killer beliefs...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Author

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-seller “Love in 90 Days.”

Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Dr. Diana Kirschner :

Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part 2

By

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. ~G. K. Chesterton If your Beloved is not growing in his ability to love deeply and commit to you, you may find at some point that you want to leave. In Part 1 I showed you how to have the Probationary Talk with your partner/spouse to give him a heads-up that the relationship was coming to an ... Read more

Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part One

By

If things have been dragging along in a stuck or uncertain state and your Beloved has not responded positively to “The Talk”, you may want to put the relationship on probation. This means you will let your partner know that you may be leaving him so that he has a chance to work on things. This is especially true if you still have hope for the ... Read more

Can A Love Charm Really Help You Find Love?

By

We all feel shlumpy and like losers at times. Unlucky. Especially in love. As Valentine’s Day looms, it would be great to turn that losing streak around, to set the stage for the love you really want. I have a few powerful dating tips to help you reverse gears and head into a romantic future, adapted from my new book, Sealing the Deal: the Love ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB