Are you in a rocky relationship? Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation? Whether you have been dating for two months or married for 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple. Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever. Can I turn it all around, you wonder? Is it even possible now? Relationship Problems? Try Dwelling on the Positive
Well I have some great news for you. It is possible if you have the courage to go for it. All you need to do is follow three simple steps. And pow, you can become super happy with your partner. Here is the three step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love:
More from YourTango: Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part 2
1. Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs. These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:
Dear Dr. Diana,
Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house, he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn't good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving, so I was standoffish.
While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I'm always complaining that he doesn't give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs. I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don't think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn't doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt. The first light bulb just came on!
More from YourTango: Putting Your Relationship On Probation: Part One
Next: Step 2: Journal about your killer beliefs...
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