I used to have loud sex...before kids

It was a lovely, warm evening, so my husband and I took the kids for a walk around the neighborhood. It was one of those rare, ‘being present, in the moment’ delicious couple times where we chatted while lightly touching each other. Really, really nice.

Then as we passed by a house, a loud scream ripped us from our lovey-dovey reverie. Confused at first, it became apparent—to me—that the ‘scream’ was a woman having very energetic sex.

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Giggling, I looked at my husband who also looked confused—which made me laugh even harder. As the realization of what was going on came over him, I witnessed a myriad of emotions. First amusement, then embarrassment and then sadness.

My giggles turned into a half-hearted nervous titter. We hadn’t had that kind of loud sex for a very, very long time. Not knowing what to say, I said as much to him.

“I don’t think we ever had loud sex,” he countered.

Flashbacks of noisy and uninhibited sex—at least noisy and uninhibited for me—where our bedroom window was open and I didn’t care if our harmless but slightly creepy neighbor could hear what was going on.

Defensively I chirped in, “You have such a selective memory.”

Realizing he had made a major faux pas that might cost him sex this week, he backed up and countered with, “Well, we were never had sex that loud.”

I backed down too. It was a mute point to fight about rambunctious sex since we both knew we wouldn’t be having some anytime soon.

Trying to lighten the mood I offered, “I did a radio interview where the announcer confided on air, ‘I once had sex with a really loud woman and during the sex I thought, ‘I’m good…but I’m not that good.’”

My husband (thankfully) laughed and added in his analytical fashion, “Yes, the level of noise has to be the same by both participants. Otherwise, the person’s who’s making less noise starts gets distracted.”

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I couldn’t help but wonder when or if the days of loud sex were over for us. We used to have sex during afternoon naps but now my toddler has grown out of taking them.

As hope springs eternal, I sometimes daydream that maybe, just maybe this year we can take a parent’s only holiday. Hotel sex is supposed to be loud.