The moment has arrived: you’re both ready to go for the gold, and he reaches over to turn off the lights. You’re left with a condom, an eager partner, and a whole lot of darkness. Fear not, Exploring Intimacy is going to get you through this in four easy steps! This is one of the most requested skills I am asked to teach at workshops, so read how after the jump.
1.) Rip open the foil on the condom: Grasp the condom (in wrapper) with the first two fingers and thumb of each hand. Feel the ring of the condom in the package? Great. Use your fingers to smoosh it away from one corner of the foil and then carefully rip that empty corner open with your teeth. Remember to keep the condom away from your teeth, Tiger! Make it sexy, or at least playful, by issuing a little moan or growl as you do it. Pull the condom out of the wrapper with your fingers and fling the empty packaging away with glee. Step 1 accomplished!
2.) Get the condom right-side-out: An inside-out condom is practically impossible to get on, and runs a decent risk of breaking. You’ll be sure to impress with this smooth trick to getting it the right way out, even in the dark! Whichever way the condom is pointing, set it on your thumb as though it were a little sex toy or penis. Don’t roll it down your thumb, just set it there. With your other hand, run your pointer finger lightly down the outside of the condom, starting at the tip and going to the rolled rim. If your finger slides right off the rim that means the condom is inside-out. If your finger catches in the rim, then it is right-side-out. Practice this and you’ll immediately see what I mean. Is it inside-out? Don’t stress! Use your free hand to grasp the rim, then hold it up with the inside-out tip pointing toward your mouth. Blow a little puff of air at the tip and it will invert and point the other way. Ta-da, your condom is now right-side-out! Use your thumb trick to make sure, by seeing if your finger now catches in the rim.
3. Add a dab of lube in two places: Not only does lube feel so darned good, but it also helps to keep your condom from breaking by reducing friction. To make it better for the condom wearer, take your right-side-out condom by the rim and use your other hand to squirt one small drip of lube into the empty tip. You can even put a drop on your finger and wipe it into the tip. Grasp the outside of the tip with your fingers (from the side, to avoid getting it with your nails), squishing the lube. Hold it pinched shut while you put another dab of lube on the fingers of your other hand. We shall call the first hand (the one pinching the tip) the “condom hand” and the other hand the “lubey fingers” hand for step #4.
4. Roll it on like a pro: With your condom hand tightly pinching the tip, set the condom on your partner’s cock. Keep pinching that tip with your condom hand, because it needs to be empty of air and NOT rolled tight against his penis. Got your lubey fingers ready? Those slick fingers are going to make it easier to roll the condom down. Rest the sides of your lubey pointy finger and thumb just above the rolled rim, one on each side. You’re using the sides so that your nails (even if they are short) don’t snag and rip the precious condom. Press in firmly, but not roughly, with the sides of your lubey finger and thumb (still pinching with your condom hand) and stroke your fingers down.