Just because you don't feel it yet doesn't mean it's not there.
Chemistry is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. It’s more than attraction; it’s that spark that draws you to one another. But it's not the only thing that's important in relationships.
In order to have a successful relationship you need trust, common ground, similar goals, respect, friendship and much more. So what if you have all of these things but you don’t have chemistry? Can you create chemistry? Well ... maybe.
Using these tips, you might just make a little magic happen:
1. Get out of your own head.
This is very important if you're a worrier. Don’t over-think every interaction. When you spend a date analyzing every little thing that's said and done, you're not present in the moment. You're probably so wrapped up in your head that you can’t get a feel for what’s happening right in front of you.
One way to get your mind off of what could be going wrong between you and your guy is to center a date on an activity. Engaging in an activity instead of a movie or dinner date will allow you to interact with the him on a more personal level. It will also present a lighter environment, which will help you relax. Go bowling or take a cooking class. This will alleviate the pressure so you're able to live in the moment.
2. Pay attention to his body language.
A big part of connecting to someone is paying attention to them, and trying to build a sexual relationship is a part of that. Pay attention to him with your eyes and ears. Listening is very important. Nothing will make him lose interest faster than the feeling of being ignored. When you’re having a conversation, add something to it, nod your head, and just let him know that you hear him and that you care.
Also, pay close attention to his body language and facial expressions. This gives you a lot of information about how he's feeling and what he feels towards you. If he makes an effort to reach out to you by holding your hand or simply caressing you, return the gesture.
Chemistry is often mistaken for surface attraction, but it goes much deeper than that. By making it known that you care about who he is inside, your guy will feel much more comfortable to opening up to you so you can connect on that deeper level.
3. Stop comparing THIS relationship with your past ones.
One thing that could sabotage your chemistry with your guy is comparing him to a previous partner. Constantly thinking of someone else and lining them up next to the guy right in front of you is possibly blocking you from feeling the chemistry that you have with him.
Even if what you had with that other person was amazing, it doesn’t mean that you won’t feel some chemistry with anyone else. It may take longer to feel it, or it may feel different. However, what you have now is maybe just as good or better than your previous flame. Focus on what it takes to make your relationship happy and healthy and why you decided to give this guy a chance in the first place.
4. Spend some time alone together.
Don’t jump into group dates or family gatherings too soon. Spending time around other people when you’re trying to develop chemistry in your own relationship might damage your chances.
You can’t explain to other people what you mean to each other when you don’t know yourselves. Being around other couples may also cause you to compare your relationship and connection to what they have. Make time to bond with one another without the distraction of prying eyes.
If it doesn't work and you're just not feeling it, be honest with yourself and with him. Lying or pretending that you feel something that you don’t is not going to help the situation. Sometimes the chemistry isn’t there, and while there are things that you can do to inspire chemistry, you can’t force it.
Maybe you’ll feel it down the line, but there’s also a chance that you won’t. Some couples work really well on paper but in real life things just don’t work out, and that’s okay.
If you want to remain friends or cordial with your guy, telling him how you feel is the best thing to do. You don’t want to end on bad terms with him or lead him on. You never know, he might have been feeling the same way as you the whole time.
Donna Begg is a health coach and the website admin of Consumer Health Digest. She has been awarded with the MD and Doctor of Public Health, and is also a mentor, analyst and a researcher.