Why Every Woman Should Experiment With S&M

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Why Every Woman Should Experiment With S&M [EXPERT]
Find out how BDSM can help you connect with your body, heart and mind in a meaningful way!

Today, as women everywhere breathe heavy over 50 Shades of Grey, an erotic novel that explores BDSM — the consensual use of bondage, discipline and power fantasy role play — I actually find myself breathing a little easier. Why? Because this is something I experienced in real life after I got divorced.

What is the lure of BDSM and dominance and submission (D/s) for women? And why is it that many women relegate it to fantasy only instead of exploring it in reality? Do I Have To Settle For Subpar Sex?

Hali, a divorced mother who has begun experimenting with consensual BDSM in a serious relationship says the lure for her is "heightened passion." She says, "When my boyfriend straps me down and takes me, I'm forced into the present and everything else gets tuned out. "I never would have experienced this with my former husband," she adds. "I was young and insecure about myself and body back then. I wasn't open to it one bit. Plus, had he suddenly tried to be more dominant, I think I'd have ended up laughing."

For Tara, a 40-year-old mother of two, the allure lies in having her partner "plan" the event and use his imagination. "There's a build-up to the experience. I anticipate it, wonder what's going to happen and what he may or may not do. It's the mental side to sex that's really exciting for women. I don't think men are wired this same way. They can look at porn and magazines and experience the same excitement. So, in their books, nothing's missing." 'I Hated Having Sex With Him'

My curiosity around BDSM and D/s stemmed from having re-watched the movie, 9 1/2 Weeks. There was just "something" in how Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke connected. There was something about how he seemed to see her, intuit her, push her beyond her boundaries and in turn, empower her to know herself more. It wasn't until I started talking to Sir John the Dom, a sexual Dominant from the United States that I realized that this movie was about BDSM and D/s.

I remember John telling me that from a neuropsychological perspective, it makes sense for women to have a "submissive" side. "For the sake of simplicity, I want you to imagine the human brain in two parts: the upper brain and lower brain," he explained patiently. "The lower brain is our old brain. We've had it since the beginning of time and throughout evolution. It's where our instinctive, primitive thinking lies, like the fight or flight response or the biological urge to have sex and reproduce." Ladies, Is Casual Sex What You Need?

"To understand how our lower brain functions, you simply need look to other less-evolved primates," John continued. "Like gorillas, for example. One of the behaviors you'll observe amongst female gorillas is their jockeying to win the alpha males in the pack. The females prefer to associate with the stronger, more dominant gorillas. They want to submit to an alpha, knowing that he improves their chances of survival. It's about safety, protection, and well, having his babies."

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