10 Lies I Believed About Men & Relationships

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10 Lies I Believed About Men & Relationships

When I was just twenty-four years old, I attended my first big personal growth seminar about relationships. There were over four-hundred women in attendance and the person running the show was a fifty-year old man. There were so many assumptions about men and relationships that I made up that were simply not true. Some of the ideas I learned were shocking, while others were very liberating.

Keep in mind that all men are different. There are extremes of the super sensitive guy to the beer-drinking sports guy who refuses to talk about his feelings. Over the past twenty years dating many types of men in all ages, shapes and colors, I have witnessed the truth of these ideas. Sometimes I resisted these facts, ignored them and, of course, believed I could change them if I met the right guy. I want to share the lies I believed with you.

1. LIE: If a man really loved me, he would make me a priority in his life.
TRUTH: A woman’s top priority in life is her relationships. A man’s top priority is preserving his ego. Instead of wanting to be first in all of his life, if you are simply first in his relationships category, he really cares about you.

2. LIE: Men like to talk about relationships.
TRUTH: Most men were not socially conditioned to discuss feelings. What comes easy for you is not as easy for them. Don’t take it personally. Even a man who was raised by a single mom and is very sensitive, will never be as comfortable as you in these discussions.

When I was just twenty-four years old, I attended my first big personal growth seminar about relationships. There were over four-hundred women in attendance and the person running the show was a fifty-year old man. There were so many assumptions about men and relationships that I made up that were simply not true. Some of the ideas I learned were shocking, while others were very liberating. Keep in mind that all men are different. There are extremes of the super sensitive guy to the beer-drinking sports guy who refuses to talk about his feelings. Over the past twenty years dating many types of men in all ages, shapes and colors, I have witnessed the truth of these ideas. Sometimes I resisted these facts, ignored them and, of course, believed I could change them if I met the right guy. I want to share the lies I believed with you. 1. LIE: If a man really loved me, he would make me a priority in his life. TRUTH: A woman’s top priority in life is her relationships. A man’s top priority is preserving his ego. Instead of wanting to be first in all of his life, if you are simply first in his relationships category, he really cares about you.
2. LIE: Men like to talk about relationships. TRUTH: Most men were not socially conditioned to discuss feelings. What comes easy for you is not as easy for them. Don’t take it personally. Even a man who was raised by a single mom and is very sensitive, will never be as comfortable as you in these discussions.
3. LIE: If a man breaks up with me, I must be flawed and I have to fix myself to be perfect enough to be attractive to men. TRUTH: There are so many reasons why men/women leave. Many times it is more about their baggage and fears than anything to do with you. People fit together like puzzle pieces based on their subconscious programming. If you are not a match, neither is good nor bad, just not the right fit. There is nothing to fix about you except your false self-perceptions.

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Debi Berndt

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Debi Berndt is the co-founder of CreativeLove.com, a personal development system for singles to stop fixing themselves and finally find true love. She works with her partner, Dr. Robert Maldonado (Psychologist). Their system was developed based on Carl Jung's work and influenced by Eastern Philosophy.  Debi is also the author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your free lecture and meditation - Why you are single and how to find love without fixing yourself here.

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: CHT
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