Heartbreak

The Real Reason He Didn't Call You After You Were Intimate

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Happy loving couple in bed

So, you met a guy. He seems fantastic. He says all the right words and does all the right things, and you decide to sleep with him a little more quickly than normal because you feel oh-so-comfortable around him.

Then guess what happens? He stops calling you.

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At first, you feel rejected. Then you feel used. You don't feel smart anymore like you don't have as good of a read on guys as you thought you did. And then you let all your crazed emotional states get the better of you, and you start to talk to your friends about this whole debacle, over and over again.

   

   

You review every little thing that went down with this new guy: every word, every sentence, every text message the two of you shared. You want to figure out exactly what you did wrong in this scenario and why he's not calling anymore. 

Honestly, what a waste of time. What a waste of energy and what a waste of self-confidence that you're throwing out the window.

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How many times are you going to go down this road and realize that this is a road you should never go down again? A road you should never have gone down after the first time? Which road is that? It's called Rejection Highway.

Here's the deal: You made that choice to sleep with him, and after that time, or after a few times, he did not call you anymore. He made that choice not to call you. So he wasn't who you thought he was. No big deal. It's okay because most people aren't exactly who you think they are right in the beginning.

So now you have to ask yourself: are you going to allow somebody who you don't really know that well to have all this power over you? Why waste weeks of your life pining over this situation, wondering where you went wrong? Who cares if he didn't call you back? Who cares if he decided he didn't want to see you anymore and he rejected you? It shouldn't matter.

What matters is that you made a choice. You made a choice to sleep with him and after that, he decided not to call you anymore. Respect your choice and move on. You have to move on and stop thinking about it because nothing will change the outcome.

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You know what? The guy's not into you, the guy's not connecting with you anymore — whatever it might be — so go out and find somebody new.

Have a sense of abundance that there are a lot of great guys out there. He's not the last man standing. To tell you the truth, he did you a favor by dropping off the radar; he's actually a jerk and he showed his true colors pretty early on. You should be happy that he didn't call you.

You should be happy to find out so early that all he was after was intimacy because you deserve somebody who wants to emotionally connect with you at whatever level you want. You deserve to spend your time with someone who understands you and is respectful of you, and you don't have to wait three months into dating him to find that out.

So get over it, and get over it fast. Get back into that dating world.

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David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.