Certain men will go to great lengths for sex. Here's how to spot those shady dudes ASAP ...
Every time you meet a new man you have to go through the whole cycle again: Is he really interested in me or does he just want sex? This is a tough question and a situation all single women must cope with.
As a dating coach for women, I'm here to help you figure this out quickly. Knowing if a man is serious about you takes time. You need to get to know him, observe his behavior, and how he treats you over a period of weeks (or months). Good men make long-term relationship decisions more slowly than women do and take time revealing their true intentions.
So, how can you know if a man just wants to get into your pants or has more serious ideas about dating you? The easiest way is by becoming skilled at quickly spotting the signs that he is NOT serious. Here are seven scenarios that indicate he's just trying to "get some" and is not thinking long-term:
1. He pours on the romance.
Be suspicious of the man who turns on the romance like a faucet. Resisting his flood of charm is no easy task, but slowing things down is the only way to avoid hopping into your bed with this guy. He tells you from the moment you meet (sometimes in the first few emails) that he knows you are the woman for him. If you find yourself thinking, "How does he know I'm the one when he doesn't even know me?" or "This feels too good true" then it probably is. Sorry to say you can't rush love and certainly, don't confuse it for lust.
2. He says women like you are usually cold.
When I was dating, I met a man who tried this tactic on our first date. He asked about my family heritage and background, and then used it against me. He said, "Irish women are known to be cold. Do you think that's true?" Then he held my hand and touched my shoulder.
Don't fall for this move wanting to prove "women like you" are not the frigid type. You have nothing to prove! Feel free to end the date early with any excuse to cut short a cad of this nature. Move on to find better quality men.
3. He wants to watch a movie ... at your place.
This is a classic move for the casual guy who just wants a little somethin' somethin'. He's thinking while on the couch watching the movie, you'll start to snuggle. Then one thing will lead to another and you'll end up in the bedroom. This is exactly why I tell my clients to keep the first several dates outside the home. Once inside, it's hard to resist the temptation.
4. Or, he offers to cook your dinner at his place.
This is a twist on the "pizza and a movie" with a serving of charm. You might think, "How sweet he wants to cook dinner for me. So romantic!" Yes it is, and he's banking on you being his dessert. After a nice meal and a few glasses of wine, you'll be more likely to go for it when he makes a pass.
5. He tells woeful tales about how his ex neglected him.
Some men play the sympathy card and appeal to your strong desire to help. He'll tell you how his wife denied him and was emotionally and sexually cold. He'll say it was "so hard" to deal with that he went to therapy. The whole time he'll look deeply into your eyes, hoping you want to make him feel better. Just remember, any man who talks this much about his ex is not relationship ready or emotionally available. Don't fall for this nonsense! It's not your job to make it up to him, so steer clear.
6. He asks if you want to "hang out."
A man who wants a no strings attached, casual relationship might ask you to hang out. This leaves you wondering if getting together is even a date. Hanging out happens at someone's home and is similar to "Pizza and a movie" but less defined. Yet, the result is the same. Some men will try to hang out at your house, never taking you on a real date but expecting open access to intimacy. Set your expectations on several formal dates (outside the home) before you start hanging out with a man.
7. He only calls late at night.
He calls around 9:00 pm or later and asks what you're doing, then wants to know if he can come over. This is the classic "Booty Call." Anytime you get a late night call asking what you're doing, that's a man fishing for an invitation. He wants you to invite him in to your home and then into your bed. Don't think for one minute he suddenly sees you as "The One." Tell him it's too late and you need your rest, then delete his number from your phone.
Now that you know seven of the methods men use to get into your pants without building a relationship first, you'll be able to spot the men who aren't serious much faster.
Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan is the author of Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong which radically simplifies understanding men. Get more dating wisdom in her free book: 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You Single.