Want A Relationship? Why You Shouldn't Have Casual Sex

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Want A Relationship? Why You Shouldn't Have Casual Sex [EXPERT]
If you're secretly hoping he'll develop feelings for you, casual sex may not be the best idea.

It doesn't take a scientist to know that the overwhelming majority of women can't have a hot, casual, sexual relationship with a man and not get hooked in. It simply doesn't work.

Without fail, every one of my clients who says that she is just going to have a casual, sexual relationship with a guy until the right one comes along, gets attached and hurt in the end. For women, sex is both an emotional and a physical experience, so most eventually wind up having feelings for the guy and hoping that he will fall in love with them. 4 Reasons Why Women Should Masturbate More Often

For men, sex can be purely physical. I am not saying that men can never connect the physical and the emotional when it comes to sex, but unlike women, they can separate the emotional and physical, allowing them to have recreational sex without getting attached.

What further complicates matters is that men and women don't seem to understand each other. Women get angry with men for remaining emotionless and unattached, and men get angry with women for developing feelings for them when they told the women from the beginning that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. 7 Things You Need To Know About Sex

Many women make the mistake of thinking that just because they can develop feelings for a man over time, a man will eventually develop feelings for them. In my experience, most men know right away if they have deeper feelings for a particular woman and want more than just sex with her. My male clients rarely talk about falling slowly in love with a woman. They know immediately when they are interested in having more than just a sexual relationship wtih a woman.

Many men have even told me that, if they really like a woman, they don't want to sleep with her right away. When I was dating my husband, on our third date he said to me, "I really like you and I want to get to know you, and I don't want to rush into anything, including sex." This was music to my ears.

Let's be clear. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with having casual sex. But if you participate in it, you need to know that it rarely, if ever, leads to something more meaningful. Women, you need to tattoo this on your brain. If you engage in casual sex with men, do not expect it to go anywhere. 7 Days Of Sex: Why You Should Try It

Men and women are wired differently. When a man tells you that he doesn't want a relationship, believe him. Even if he is spending every night cuddling with you, giving you gifts, and making wild, passionate love to you; if he has told you he isn't interested in a relationship, you probably won't ever be anything more than a hook-up for him.

Do not spin it into some kind of personal challenge, thinking that you will be the one to reform him. Do not tell yourself that his actions are showing you that he really cares about you. Do not think that this is anything more for him than what it really is: Sex for sex sake. 

More sex advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Lisa Shield

Relationship Coach

Lisa Shield, MA, CPCC

I will show you how open your heart and attract true love with nothing to hide. To get started, go to my website and get my free ebook, "Five Simple Solutions to Turn Your Dating Around," sign up for informative newsletter, and book a free sample session today!

"Naked" Dating & Relationship Coach

(323) 939-1770

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: MA, PCC
Other Articles/News by Lisa Shield:

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