As a divorce coach, it's something I hear often: a recently divorced woman will talk about her ex and scathingly describe him as a "sociopath" or a "narcissist." While it may bring her a sense of justification by labeling her ex, what does she really gain from playing the victim in her divorce? Many people, both men and women experience a range of emotions when they are going through a divorce. They act out in ways that are not aligned with their innate personalities. They act this way out of revenge, anger and pain. And the act of name-calling may be a way to relieve these feelings.
So is your ex really a sociopath or a narcissist ... or is he just acting out? Many skilled divorce coaches agree that a person will take on these personality traits during stressful life changes and then revert back to normal once the stress is gone.
How do you know he's a sociopath? If he's a true sociopath, there would have been warning signs at the very beginning of your relationship. Sociopaths are masters at deception. For instance, he may have lied about his job, finances or family. He probably did not have close ties with too many people as a sociopath is incapable of feeling shame, guilt or remorse.
A sociopath has little concern for another person's feelings, desires or needs. His main purpose is to get what he wants, regardless of how it may harm other people. He was probably very charming and charismatic, which is how a sociopath will use to win over the love and affection of his target (you). He knew how to play the victim so that nothing was ever his fault and had a way of twisting it around so that you believed that it was somehow your fault. A sociopath continuously invents outrageous lies about his past experiences and other people. If your ex really is a sociopath, you'll see a history of his fabricated storytelling and wonder to yourself how you could have ever believed some of those absurd lies in the first place. So, if he doesn't fit the "sociopath" profile — could he still be a narcissist? Keep reading ...
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