Kristin contacted me within a week of her husband of 18 years, telling her he wanted a divorce. Kristin was blindsided. He said he wanted to take care of her and remain friends, however, he wanted different things than she could offer. There was no other woman involved.
Kristin wasn’t even aware that there were any problems in her marriage. She thought they were both happy. She considered him her best friend and soul mate. Family and friends called them the perfect couple.
From the beginning Kristin complained of a REAL aching heart. She felt as if her heart was going to actually explode. It scared her. She wondered if her emotional pain was creating a real, life-threatening physical condition.
I assured her that this was a very normal feeling. I advised her to go the doctors, just to be safe. However, emotional pain can and does cause real physical pain. Kristin’s emotional heart was literally breaking. Even though she felt lost and confused she was determined to swiftly breakthrough the fear, anger and depression she was experiencing.
A simple technique Kristin learned to diminish the pain in her aching heart
I assured her that her heart would not really break. Kristin did what so many people try to do when they are in physical pain because of an emotional issue. She tried to ignore it in order to make it go away. The truth is that it emotional pain must be completely felt to completely heal.
I shared a few strategies with Kristin in order for her to feel the pain and assured her that she was ok to hurt. One of her favorite strategies was a breathing technique in which you watch the pain flow through your physical body and allow it to heighten to elevated levels, and then begin to release it and let it subside. This technique takes less than ten minutes.
Every time Kristin’s heart began to ache, she practiced breathing while allowing the pain to be there without judging it or trying to stop it. Most times the pain does completely go away after one session, however each time the pain returns, it is a lot less intense. In addition the length of time between episodes becomes longer and longer. Soon the pain is completely gone. In Kristin’s case it took less than a month.
Kristin liked this strategy so much, that she is now constantly telling her friends to breathe and to accept the pain until it is gone. She says this is one strategy had helped her to let go and move forward to the next chapter in her life.