The Top 5 Worst Habits That Ruin Great Relationships

By

Relationships: 5 Bad Habits That Ruin Great Relationships
Holding on to anger may cause your lover to let go of you.

Great relationships are made and broken in how you treat each other every day. It's the simple things—your attitude, how you deal with conflict, and what your focus is on that will ultimately keep you together or push you apart. Building a life with another woman means learning how to share your life with her, and how to create a deep and meaningful relationship that allows both of you to grow and evolve as people. Avoiding actions that create drama and negativity in your relationship is crucial to creating lasting love.

5 Bad Habits that Ruin Great Relationships

Bad Habit #1: Worrying About What Other People Think
Everyone wants and needs different things in their relationships. Don't get caught up in what other people want or what your friends are doing.  Concentrate on creating a relationship with your partner that works for the both of you. 

Bad Habit #2: Letting Your Ego Get in the Way
One of the biggest relationship mistakes is getting caught up in trying to be right in an argument. When you're focusing on proving your partner wrong and getting them to acknowledge that you're right, you lose sight of what you're really trying to do—resolve a problem. Drop your ego, and instead focus on creating a space where each of you can share your concerns over the issue. Work as a team to find a solution that makes sense for the both of you. 

Bad Habit #3: Letting The Past Define You OR Your Partner
Past relationships and partners shouldn't be used as a gauge for your current relationship. Negative past experiences aren't proof every  relationship you'll ever have will fail. You can learn from your mistakes, and make different choices. Your partner can too. Don't use her past  against her. Concentrate on your present and future together. 

Bad Habit #4: Holding Grudges
Holding onto your upset over a wrong (or perceived wrong) can poison your relationship over time. Grudges build invisible walls between you and your partner. When you're walking around seething about an old slight, you can't emotionally connect with her, or enjoy true intimacy. The negative emotions you're feeling get into the way. Creating a strong relationship involves learning how to forgive, forget, and let go of grudges. 

Bad Habit #5 : Trying to Change Her
Love your partner for who she is, instead of trying to change, or "fix" her. When you try to change her, subconsciously you're rejecting her, and telling her that she's not good enough for you. Strive to create a relationship full of love, acceptance, and support that inspires the both of you to grow and evolve. 

What can you do instead?

You don't have to let your bad habits ruin your relationship. Learn to recognize when you're doing them and commit to breaking your patterns.  Practice P.B.S. (Pause, take a deep Breath, and Smile) whenever you're tempted to bring up the past or hang onto a grudge. By taking a moment before reacting, you can choose a different action, one that is more empowering.

For example, instead of trying to change the things that bother you about her, you can choose to be grateful for the things you love about her. Is she a great parent? A thoughtful gift giver? An imaginative artist? When you think about the things you appreciate about her, and feel grateful for those things, the annoying things seem more insignificant. Keep your relationship strong and healthy by avoiding bad habits, and focusing on creating good ones.  

This article was originally published at LesbianLoveGuru.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.

More relationships advice on YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Christine Dunn-Cunningham

Relationship Coach

Christine Dunn-Cunningham is the Lesbian Love Guru.  She helps lesbians create and enjoy passionate, deeply connected relationships with their soul mates.  Do you know what it takes to create a successful relationship?  Discover the 5 things successful couples do at: http://www.LesbianLoveGuru.com

Location: Freeville, NY
Credentials: BA
Other Articles/News by Christine Dunn-Cunningham:

3 Qualities ALL Amazing Lovers Have In Common

By

What makes a great lover? Great lovers can come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, cultural backgrounds, and gender expressions. What makes a great lover isn't a particular body part or black book full of past lovers.  A great lover is made by a certain attitude about sex and pleasing their partner.  Anyone can learn to embrace the qualities ... Read more

HQQT – the KEY to a Great Lesbian Relationship!

By

We've all heard the phrase "quality time", and we all realize that it's important to our romantic relationships, but did you realize that many lesbian couples fail to focus on the actual quality in their quality time? We're going to talk about how to create "High Quality Quality Time." I know, I know, right now you're ... Read more

Why'd the Honeymoon End? Get the Emotional Connection Back!

By

Have you lost that lovin' feeling? Do you remember the beginning of your relationship when you felt completely connected and attracted to one another and wonder where it went? My goal is to help you get back the connection and intimacy in your romantic relationship. Even if you're still feeling the warm fuzzies toward one another, it's good to ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB