Are you lying to your partner about money?
When most people think of being unfaithful to their partner, they think it means having an affair. However, there are several ways you can be unfaithful to your partner: emotionally, physically and financially. The financial aspect is often overlooked as a problem because the one who is withholding the information thinks they are protecting their partner.
There are two types of lies: commission and omission. Lies of commission are knowing what you are doing, and justifying your actions in your own mind. (see items 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10). Lies of omission, on the hand, means you're leaving out some of the vital information about a financial transaction (see items 1, 4, 6, 7). There are warning signs to look out for, as in any brand of infidelity, and it's up to you to decide if you want to confront yourself and share with your partner.
If you are unsure about telling your partner, then ask for help. Sorting out the problems with a therapist could do a world of difference for your relationship. Here are ten warning signs you are committing financial infidelity: Financial Infidelity: 5 Steps To Coming Clean
1. "Oh, it only cost…" Sometimes, there is nothing underhanded about saying "it only cost ..." when it was more or less than the stated amount. However, if you find you are saying "it only cost ..." because you had agreed to only spend a certain amount and you went over by a substantial amount, then it's definitely a problem. This is one way to go down the slippery slope to bigger issues.
2. Opening accounts (credit, bank, and loan). Opening an account without your partner knowing could be no big deal in your relationship, or it can be a very big deal. Some couples decide it's best to keep their money separate. If that is the case, having a new account without your partner knowing may mean nothing. It can become a big deal, however, if you are divorcing.
3. Taking money out of your retirement fund. If you are taking money out of your retirement fund and your partner is not part of the decision making process, then this is a breach of trust. However, if you have a pre-nuptial that clearly states that it's your money no matter what, then this is not a problem. The next questions to consider is: Why are you needing to cash out early and willing to pay penalties?
This sounds like something you would want to talk with your partner about before doing it, just to get another point of view. Or, if you have a gambling problem or some other kind of addiction that you are ashamed of, consult a therapist.
More infidelity advice from YourTango:
- How To Recover From Infidelity
- So, He Cheated. Can You Really Trust Him Again?
- Whaaaat? Sometimes Cheating Can Actually HELP Your Marriage