Don't make things worse by dating again too soon.
Different people react to the end of a relationship in different ways. Some don't want to even think of another relationship. Others want to start (or has already started) a new relationship ASAP.
The end of a relationship shakes up many things inside us, and it’s important to have some time to reflect on them and to allow ourselves to heal.
To determine where you are in this process and if you're ready to start dating and find love again, ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. How do you feel when you think about your ex?
Notice what happens when you think of your ex. Do you feel: Anger, hatred, guilt, shame, profound sadness, anxiety?
If you answered "yes" to one or more of those, there are probably still things you need to work on before you're ready to start something new.
2. How do you feel when you go out alone?
Take a look at what happens when you go out alone to grab a bite to eat or to the movies or concert. Do you feel uncomfortable, sad, anxious, or depressed? Are you embarrassed by being alone? Do you miss your ex and think of them constantly?
If you recognize any of these sensations, you have most likely unfinished grief.
3. How do you feel toward yourself?
When you think of yourself, what do you notice? Do you like yourself? Do you say positive things to yourself about you? Are you critical of yourself? Do you sometimes feel that you are not good enough?
In order to be ready to start a new relationship, we need to be very aware of how we feel towards ourselves, what triggers us and how. We all have insecurities, and sometimes, they take different forms. We might put ourselves down constantly and feel bad about ourselves or we might become very defensive in order to protect ourselves from any hint of feelings of vulnerability.
You know you are ready for a new relationship when you feel comfortable with your vulnerabilities.
4. What happens when someone approaches you?
When someone expresses interest in you, do you:
- Feel very excited and eager to know this person? You're quick to give out your contact information and/or get their information to start contact right away.
- Feel very withdrawn and distrustful when they approach you?
Too much too fast or too little are signs that you might not be ready yet. These feelings are telling you that you still have wounds inside that haven't healed and that you still need time to process.
Ideally, whenever we meet someone new, we assess how they are and if we have common interests and values. We go slow, but feel calm and open to get to know them.
5. How do you feel about the thought of a new relationship?
When you think of starting a new relationship do you feel:
- Anxious and nervous?
- Scared of experiencing another heart break?
- Scared of opening up and being vulnerable with someone?
- Afraid that it won't work out?
- Fear of feeling you have failed again?
- As if you are on the edge of a cliff about to fall?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might not be ready to start a new relationship, and your gut is telling you so.
When you're ready, you'll know because it feels right. You will feel good with yourself — calm and with a sense of confidence. You will be able to recognize your emotions, and they will be manageable and not overwhelming.
When you are able to listen to yourself and your inner wisdom, you will be ready and, you will know it.
If you would like to talk with me or more information about how to heal a broken heart contact me via email or visit my website. You might also be interested in an online program to help heal a broken heart: MovingOnHelp.com.
This article was originally published at MovingOnHelp.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.