3 Reasons Why Faking Orgasms Is RUINING Your Love Life (And His!)

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quit faking it

"Fake it 'till you make it" does NOT apply here, ladies.

Let gets straight to the point — Faking an orgasm is one of THE most destructive things you can do in your relationship.

According to a recent Cosmo survey, 67 percent of women between the ages 19-40 have faked orgasms. Meaning that even the younger generation of so-called 'liberated' women are still sexually disempowered.

The survey also revealed that these orgasm deprived women are having sex with men who do orgasm 95 percent of the time. What?!!

Clearly, somewhere along the way there has truly been a major break down in communication between males and females!

Thankfully, there is a way to solve this problem — EDUCATION!

The media today objectifies women by creating a fantasy of the "ideal woman." That woman has big breasts, a tiny waist, long perfectly-shaped legs. This "ideal" (and feeling they fall short of it) creates performance anxiety in women, something that we once believed only existed in men.

Adding to this anxiety, many women hear their friends describe "mind-blowing" orgasms and never stop to question if their friends truthfully experience them or are faking it, too. Instead they believe their friends tales of wild sex and immediately assume that they've doing something wrong!

With the constant flood of pressuring external influences, I'm surprised the percentage of woman who fake orgasm isn't actually higher than 67 percent!

We need to know that the media is wrong about "the ideal woman" and that our sexiness derives from our energy, attitude and self-esteem. Often times our minds are too busy comparing ourselves to the common fantasy to truly relax and find comfort in our real bodies. Only when you're relaxed can you truly and fully experience arousal and pleasure.

When a woman becomes authentically aroused, she is the most appealing she can possibly be to her man — and everybody wins!

Therefore, women must master being fully present in their bodies, in order to experience the REAL orgasm(s) they desire. 

It's no secret that there is a difference in timing, between men and women, during sex. Men can ignite their libido with their minds, their thoughts create an instant reaction in their genitals and they're ready to go. While, his lady may just be warming up. This means that unless they're paying attention to the state of the woman's arousal, they will reach orgasm without her. And often, as those surveys show, they don't make sure she gets there too.

My tantric teacher used to say, "men are like toasters, and women are like ovens" — women might take longer to cook, but they can keep cooking for a long time once they're hot!

This difference in timing requires clear communication. If a woman tells her lover what feels good during lovemaking and he's willing to listen, then this challenge is fixable. However, some women find it very difficult to vocalize their needs during sex because they don't want to offend their lover or come across as too demanding (plus society shames women who express their sexuality openly). So instead women "fake it."

But truthfully asking for what you want builds trust in the relationship.

Meanwhile, faking orgasms does a disservice to both women and men, in three critical ways: 

  1. It creates a pattern of dishonesty between the couple. 
  2. By never learning what his woman needs to reach real orgasm, the man is set up to fail.
  3. Neither partner experiences the deep sexual and relational satisfaction they deserve because they're always wondering what is true in their most intimate encounters. 

It's actually understandable why women fake orgasms. But understandable and healthy are not the same thing. Some women afraid they might never have one and others decide to make him feel like a winner by "coming" quickly … so he can boast, "I'm so good I made a woman come in 10 minutes."

The problem is, this gives the man the wrong information about how to please his partner in a way that brings her to a REAL orgasm. And this is actually more damaging to your man in the long run. (How embarrassed do you think he'll feel when he finds out you've faked it all along?)

The best sex tends to happen when both partners feel relaxed and are paying attention to each other's body language. Looking into each other's eyes helps too, allowing you to tune into one another deeply. This real heart-to-heart connection nourishes your love making.

So where do you begin shifting away from faking it to receiving pleasure for real?

Remember, you're making love, not "racing to orgasm." Teach your man to focus on the present and match your pace, slowing down and just concentrating on your breath. (Men, here's a hint: When she starts breathing deeply she's very relaxed and turned on.)

Love making should never feel heavy — it's light, so don't forget to have fun. When you try something new, if it doesn't work, laugh, be playful and move on to the next thing.

Remember to reassure each other afterwards, this helps to build trust. After the lovemaking is over, talk about what was especially pleasurable.

It's important that when making love both partners feel free to express their desires. If you love someone, you want them to experience an orgasm; communicate with one another, in order to give each other the pleasure you both deserve. 


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