I admit it. In the past, I've made a comment or two (or three or four) to my husband that if I were caught on camera, one would think, O.M.G. What a major bitch! Yes, I know you've been there too, because what else are you bitching about with your girlfriends when the topic of husbands come up?
I'm here to tell you that I've learned to tame my sharp tongue and reactions because to me, the damage my words can do is surely not worth it. Especially when my words deeply affect my marriage or any close relationship in my life. As much emotion, anger or frustration I feel in the moment, the idea of saying something that could feel attacking, rejecting, condescending, etc. to my husband makes me feel truly sad.
Obviously, what's giggled over "Ladies' Cocktail Hour" stays in Ladies' Cocktail Hour, but you are accountable as to how you react, respond and communicate to your husband. Frankly put, it wouldn't hurt for you to scrape up some compassion as far as how you talk to him.
That said, below are five comments that will surely erode the relationship:
1. "What's wrong with you?" Honestly, it's comparable to chopping off his penis. Saying it in fun gesture is one thing, but when you respond with this comment because your husband forgot to pick up the milk on the way home, I can assure you that he'll never ever offer to pick up the milk again.
Attacking someone with words is a sideways way of expressing your feelings. If you feel frustrated that he forgot "the one thing" you asked him to do, instead try this: "I know you're not trying to forget what I asked you to do, but when you do forget what I've asked you to help me with, I feel like my needs don't matter. Will you please do what you can to remember next time?"
2. "What were you thinking?!" When your husband comes home and shares with you how a situation he handled at work backfired on him, my guess is that he's looking for some compassion and support, and not some devaluing Simon Cowell-esque stab.
You're allowed to not agree with how your husband handles certain situations with other people, but if he didn't ask for your opinion, then you most certainly should pipe down. However, if he did ask for you opinion, then he's looking to problem solve, not to be treated like a joke. Instead, try this: "Well, if it were me, I probably would have said this __________."
Keep it simple and non-critical. How Do You Set Realistic Expectations In A Relationship?
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