5 Steps To Feeling Confident In Your Marriage

By

5 Steps To Feeling Confident In Your Marriage [EXPERT]
Are you letting your past affect your marriage? Heed these 5 steps to feel self-assured!

Over the years, I have seen countless women both professionally and personally who, without being aware, slip into an insecure, child-like place in their marriage. They lack self-confidence and find it difficult to be themselves. This can happen to any woman for many different reasons. Hence, I have seen many wives who, because they have never worked through their own childhood insecurities, unconsciously displace childhood feelings into their marriage. What Women Wish They'd Known Before Marriage

Ladies, let me tell you right now that this is a dangerous and unsafe place for any of you to be in. Think about it: would any person in a marriage be safe if a child was the one making all sorts of emotional decisions? The answer is simple: It would be a disaster beyond comprehension.

So, if you're one of those women who feels like an adult in every other place in her life (ie: work place, parenting, friends, etc.) but not in her marriage, then here are five steps to help you find and hold onto the adult (you) in your marriage:

1. Name what your current fear-based feelings are in your marriage. Do you feel fear when your husband makes a critical remark towards you? Do you feel flooded with anger when your husband walks away from you in the middle of a conversation?

2. Connect the fear-based feeling to your past. Is your fear-based reaction to your husband's critical voice reminiscent of your father criticizing your behavior at eight years old? Is the anger you feel when your husband walks away from you in mid-sentence a jarring reminder of your mother walking away from you at age six while you were in tears out of sheer frustration? Whom NOT To Marry

3. Send it back to where it belongs out of your marriage. Once you are able to connect the dots, take a moment alone to visualize yourself boxing that feeling and sending it away back into your past where it belongs. Close the door to that past memory, throw away the key and walk away.

4. Visualize examples of where/when you feel confident today. Think of moments in the present where you feel like a confident adult who trusts herself with the highest esteem: with close friends, at the work place, as a parent with your children, etc. Get very specific with the example you choose and literally visualize how confident you feel in that space.

More marriage advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Carin Goldstein MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist

Carin Goldstein, MFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles as well as the witty writer of Be the Smart Wife where she writes about the trials and tribulations of how to naviagate through your marriage. Sign up for Be the Smart Wife bi-weekly posts and connect with Carin on facebook and twitter. If you live in the Los Angeles area and are interested in learning more about Carin's psychotherapy services, visit her website at caringoldstein.com.

Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MFT
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women, Marriage
Other Articles/News by Carin Goldstein MFT:

Avoid The Gimmicks: The True Meaning Behind Valentine's Day

By

In my opinion, there are two holidays that may be the most anti-climactic of them all, setting most of us up for disappointment: the first being New Year's Eve and second being (of course) ... Valentine's Day. Though as you read this article, know that this is not an anti-Valentines Day scolding or "how Hallmark has successfully brainwashed our ... Read more

ADD & Holiday Stress: Why You Are A Ferrari With Bicycle Brakes

By

If you are a woman who struggles with ADD, I know how you must feel during the holidays: overwhelmed. Correction: beyond overwhelmed.  Here's why: Most people with ADD have an overabundance of zest and excitement for life, but throw in the holidays, family, parties, gifts, vacations, and other miscellaneous drama and you've got an ADD woman on ... Read more

Sorry, Your Nagging Is Really About You

By

"You actually call this making the bed?! This is ridiculous. You need to do it the way I do it." "Will you turn the TV off already and help me get these wet, naked children out of the bath?!" "Thanks for not giving me a kiss goodbye this morning… You know, it would be nice if you thought about me before ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular