One of the hardest stages in the relationship cycle is moving on. Many of us ask the question, "Why am I still thinking about my ex?" We've all suffered through nights when we couldn't sleep because thoughts about the ex just wouldn't quit. That's normal. Here are 4 reasons why we continue to think about the past:
1. Lack of closure.
When there's no closure, one of the parties can't stop thinking about the partner who left him or her. Regardless of gender, the one that gets left behind without knowing the reason why will be tormented mentally. 5 Facts That Prove Men Aren't All Commitment-Phobes
Another reason why I kept on thinking about my ex was because of guilt. Although I didn't do anything really bad during the relationship, I felt guilty about how my ex took the separation. It's somehow a burden to know that someone's life got messed up because of a breakup.
Then there are those should-haves and could-haves. I thought about my ex at times because I felt like the relationship could have gone further if I had done things differntly. And, of course, there were also things I realized were important enough to save what we had, but none of us did anyway. The Sex & Run: How To Avoid Being His One Night Stand
4. You want him back.
Last but not least, I realized after a bad break up that I was thinking about my ex because I wanted him back. Most people may have felt this way at one time or another, and the worst part is, it gets harder every day. Even when I knew that the relationship wouldn't work out anyway, I still felt like I wanted my ex back.
Here's how I moved on.
Some people say that thinking about past relationships or past lovers is like pining for the old love. So the first step to moving on is to accept what happened. Letting go of the ex means we should let the separation sink into our minds. There will be no use thinking of, "If only I was ..." or "If only my ex was ..." etc. In other words, get rid of the regrets.
2. Reach out to people who are still in your life.
Although at some point, your ex likely became your life, don't forget that you still have your own family and your friends who are still there to support you and love you. It will also be selfish to think about who you have lost when you still have a lot of people waiting to be loved by you. Going out with friends and setting time for your family will eventually help you forget about the ex. How Compassion Facilitates Forgiveness
3. Focus on self-improvement.
When I had that break up, I was depressed. While I was thinking about my ex, I was on the other hand, forgetting all about my job and myself. The lesson here is that even if that someone leaves you, you still have the responsibility to go on with your life. So, instead of sulking and grieving, I learned to displace that energy on my work and on taking care of myself.
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