When I set out on a quest (for my book, Are All Guys Assholes?) to prove that guys aren't actually as bad as we assume, I thought women would embrace the message as good news. "Guys actually want relationships and care about more than just sex? That's awesome!"
Instead, many of them have wanted fight me on it. I've been met with an army of "evidence" seemingly suggesting that my own research is wrong, and that the stereotype we have about men being commitment-phobic, sex-fiends is firmly rooted in scientific fact. The problem is, many of these so-called facts have been used to jump to faulty conclusions. What 47 Years Of Marriage Can Teach You
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These are five scientific lies we've been told about men:
Fact: On average men get married later.
Not a fact: It's because they don't want to commit.
Yes, on average men are about two years older than women when they get married. Is this because they begrudgingly go into marriage and want to hold on to their "glory days" as long as possible? I doubt it. 5 Reasons Why You'll Never Be The One
Last summer, I interviewed over 1,000 guys about sex, love, and dating, and spoke with many of them about marriage. 95% of them said they wanted to get married some day, but more importantly, many spoke about the pressure they feel to be financially secure before taking that step. Also, consider the fact that until a guy is more stable (and possibly more mature), he may have a harder time finding a girl who would be willing to marry him in the first place.
So, maybe men do wait a little longer to get married ... but that's not necessarily because they are avoiding commitment!
Fact: Evolutionarily speaking, guys are driven to reproduce.
Not a fact: This means they are driven to "spread their seed."
Guys have a hard time staying faithful and committing because evolutionarily they're driven to spread their seed. How often have you heard that one?
First of all, this is a widely publicized (though weakly supported) theory. That is, it's someone's idea, not a proven scientific fact. Depression: A Family Affair
Humans are driven to reproduce. That much is true. But why assume that men's best reproductive strategy was to mate with as many women as they could find? I'd argue their best strategy was to show their commitment to provide for and protect a family with one woman so that she will allow him to reproduce with her in the first place. It's not like there was only one man for every 20 women and women were desperate for sperm donations.
As if our ancestors were huddled around a cave waiting for all the men to run in and grace them with their genetic material. Our cave man sisters had a say in this process too. And if a guy wanted to be able to find a woman to carry his offspring, he better be able to provide food and protection ... not just a one-time ejaculation.
So, evolutionarily speaking, I'd say men are driven to be good providers and committed partners, because the ones who weren't would be left spilling their seed behind a bush.
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