Sex After Cheating: Getting Past The Barriers


Sex After Cheating: Getting Past The Barriers
Has an affair shaken your marriage to its core?

In her new teachable story about an average couple dealing with sexual hangups, mishaps and challenges, Psychologist and YourTango Expert Anne Stirling Hastings helps readers explore exactly what it takes to be in a successful marriage — with a healthy sex life

In chapter five (which you can read by clicking here!), Sharon and Robert struggle to deal with Robert's recent infidelity. He cheated on Sharon, and while they're working toward forgiveness, their sex life hasn't seemed to have caught up yet. Here's an excerpt straight from chapter five:


Robert got home as I was fixing dinner, and I started in. Might as well. It was easier when I could look at the stew I was taking out of the crock pot. I tried to enjoy the savory smell that usually made my mouth water. As I prepared bread, I filled him in on what Dr. Anna had said, and how I had pushed us too fast. When I glanced up he was smiling, the tension gone from his face.

I kept going. "You know how good the kissing was. Maybe we just do that. And if one of us wants to do more we ask. Or just say, 'I would like to do this now, how is that for you?' Something like that."

Robert nodded. "Yeah. I think it would be great to kiss like that, and nothing else. It makes me feel love, you know, that scary feeling of loving, but not as much as if we do more, if we do it all."

"But I get aroused. What then?"

He was silent as I put bowls on the table and poured water into our glasses. We sat down and picked up our forks, but neither of us put food in our mouths. Stomachs don't seem to work well during conversations like this. Robert broke the silence.

Keep reading chapter five here.

So what can we take away from Robert and Sharon? Here are three tips to make healing from an affair better, as learned in the story.

  1. Bring in professional help. A helping professional, like a psychologist, can be your guide as you navigate the rocky emotions you're processing after an affair.
  2. Explore your feelings, too. Just as Sharon is seeking help through her therapist, so can you. She's taking care of herself as she and Robert work to patch things together.
  3. Go slowly — or at your own pace as a couple. Don't rush back into sex or intimate behavior just because you think you "should". Talk about where your comfort level is and don't pick up the pace until you're ready.

Ready for more? Chead on over and read the rest!

More sex advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Anne Stirling Hastings


Anne Stirling Hasting, Ph.D. Go to my website for free short stories and healing novels for sale.  Explore continuing education on Working With Clients' Sexual Issues. Please check out my book, Reclaiming Healthy Sexual Energy: Revised to learn how to heal sexuality. Then Healing Humanity to understand shaming, and how to stop taking it on. Create New Love puts it all together to prepare you for your next relationship. Kindle loans Dirty Sex or Clean Sex, a novel, and it's companion, Bring Love and Sex Together The Value of Healing Sexual Shame. Check out Video Conferencing therapy groups for Men's Sexuality, and Avoidant Attachment.

Location: Camarillo, CA
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Anne Stirling Hastings:

Do Some Men Cheat Because Loving You TOO Much Scares Them?


Haven't we all wondered why people cheat? We've all asked, "Why did he do that?" Or, "Why did she?" There are many obvious answers—sexual addiction, an open marriage agreement, or a disbelief in (or respect for) monogamy. But I know of another reason for infidelity that never makes it into the press or "expert ... Read more

Why Being "Naughty" In Bed Is Actually Bad For Your Love Life


Shame. It plays a central role in the common language and activities of most sex lives. Sexual shame is actually woven into our collective culture and deeply influences our individiual sexuality. Have you ever noticed—the so-called "normal" language that we use during sex includes so many negative words, doesn't ... Read more

Why Do We Stop Looking Forward to Sex?


This is chapter 8 in the novel about Grace learning about sex in the bedroom and in the classroom. Here she interviews women about their lack of interest, and explores what might be going on with their men in the bedroom and how they can rekindle interest! Read the rest of the Transformational Fiction novel, Bring Love and Sex Together, on Kindle. Find more ... Read more

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