Dad-To-Be Asks If He's Wrong To Go On 'Essential' Vacation Without Pregnant Wife As A 'Last Chance To Go Somewhere Sunny'
It seems not to have occurred to him it's his wife's last chance for a vacation, too.
SHVETS production / Eduarda Portrait / Pexels Babies change everything—there's no two ways about that. So it's natural to want to live it up before becoming a parent and sacrificing your freedom for the next 18 years.
But one dad-to-be on Reddit has taken the impulse to quite an extreme, as he shared in a post to the "r/AmITheA--hole" (AITA) subReddit, a forum for people to ask for help in figuring out if they're in the wrong in a conflict.
And as he detailed in his post, his desperation for a final hurrah before becoming a dad is causing major strife between him and his very pregnant wife.
A dad-to-be insisted his pregnant wife allow him to go on a vacation without her, calling it 'essential.'
He writes that he grew up going on vacations all the time with his family, and he views it as a necessary part of a good life. His wife, by contrast, views vacations as a luxury.
The dad says his vacation is his 'last chance to go somewhere sunny' before their baby is born.
People with kids obviously go on vacation all the time—Disney World is practically built on the concept, after all—but that seems to have escaped his notice. And, quite understandably, he wants one last child-free adventure before the "massive change to our lives," as he puts it, arrives.
On top of that, his job as an engineer has become very stressful lately, and between that and the baby coming, he feels like he needs some time away. "I told my wife that I was considering taking some time off work and going on holiday somewhere," he writes.
But at 29 weeks pregnant, his wife will be too far along to fly. She suggested he take time away closer to home, so they could vacation together. But travel in their country is "notoriously expensive," and he "would rather spend the same amount of money on a sunny holiday."
When his wife asked if he thought it was fair that he goes on vacation alone, he replied that he needs it more than she does.
Given how pregnant she is, you can probably guess how well that went over.
"She got very upset about this and told me I was being selfish," he writes. But he fervently disagrees. "I don’t think I am being selfish as she doesn’t view holidays as essential," he writes, "and this will likely be my last opportunity to go somewhere sunny for a few years with the baby on the way."
His wife's "last opportunity to go somewhere sunny" before the baby has, of course, come and gone as well, which might be part of why she was so upset about it.
Commenters on Reddit did their best to be empathetic, but in the end, they couldn't believe the dad-to-be was demanding a vacation.
Many Reddit users couldn't help but snark. "Info: why do you think you need a holiday more than a 29 weeks pregnant lady that is growing your kid inside her?" one user sniped. "Wait till [he] finds that having a baby is even harder than having a pregnant wife!" another person quipped.
Others wondered if the dad-to-be is even ready for the demands of fatherhood if he's this fussed about needing a vacation before the tyke has even arrived. "Wait till he finds out about the no sleep part," one person joked. "Wonder what happens when it's his turn at night and he tells his wife 'but sleep is a necessity!'"
And some felt this didn't bode well for the soon-to-be parents' relationship. "If he’s willing to abandon her at one of the most physically and emotionally vulnerable times in her life," a person wrote, "I think she should take a permanent vacation from this man."
As off-base as this future dad is, 'new dad anxiety' is a very real and very common thing.
Sure, this guy might be missing a bit of a sensitivity chip.
But just like how dads can suffer from postpartum depression, dads being freaked out about the impending arrival of their bundle of joy is definitely a thing too. And what this dad seems to be most afraid of—lifestyle changes—is one of the biggest stressors non-birthing parents feel in the lead-up to their partners giving birth, according to scientific studies.
Other worries that tend to plague expectant dads are the possibility of birthing complications, finances, and whether or not they'll even be good parents in the first place. Plus, as the video below lays out, the less experience a non-birthing parent has with babies, the more anxious he or she is likely to feel.
And as writer Brooke David Sacco recently told us, it's even common for dads to be more anxious about an impending birth than the mom carrying the baby is.
So wanting to run away on a vacation in the final stretch of your wife's pregnancy? Yeah, totally normal impulse. But... maaaaybe one you want to, you know, keep to yourself or talk to a friend about—or better yet, a therapist.
Because as freaked-out as you may be as a dad, it's almost certain your very pregnant wife needs a getaway a lot worse than you do!