What You Should Do Instead Of Wishing You Could Be 'Her'
You are 'her' in someone else’s eyes.
Studio Lucky / Shutterstock By Ashley Allison
We’ve all done it at some point in our lives. Seeing that rising-star actress on the screen, or just a random woman walking down the street in clothes you dream of wearing.
The first thing out of your mouth typically is, “Wow! I wish I could be like her.”
Your inner voice then proceeds to go on and on about all the imperfections you think you have and how you could even change them just to be remotely like her.
Has someone ever complimented you, whether friend or stranger, and made it seem like they think you have it all? That you’re the “her” they aspire to be?
Usually, we just shake our heads and give an excuse as to why that’s not possible. You believe there must be some hidden formula or magical spell to create these women we feel so inferior to.
We talk about how women need to empower other women. We need to accept compliments rather than dismiss them.
Because let’s be honest, it feels good to have someone notice us and what we’re doing!
Does it ever occur to you that maybe the same compliments you get over and over show something you’re doing right or something other people aspire to have?
I’ll be honest, I’m my worst critic on taking compliments for myself. When someone says they like my curly hair, that I believe to be a lion’s mane that was electrocuted, I just shrug and say thank you.
What I should be doing is accepting the compliment and returning one.
It’s all about perspective.
You may think your hips are too wide, but someone else could be jealous that your jeans stay on better and hug your curves.
Someone may be jealous that you’re fluent in multiple languages because they can’t grasp the rules and grammar, when you just grew up in a blended household.
If you wouldn’t let your daughter talk negatively of herself or your best friend, then you shouldn’t speak that way about yourself. You are “her” in someone else’s eyes.
Now this isn’t to say that you can’t change things about yourself!
Go dye your hair that color you’ve been eyeing for months. Make that appointment for the tattoo you’ve had in your head, but were too nervous to actually get.
Changing yourself to feel more comfortable in your own skin isn’t a crime. It’s when you obsess over trying to change everything about yourself when there may be special qualities that only you possess.
You may be thinking, yeah this is great and all... but I still want to be like that person. There’s nothing wrong with having role models to look up to for different reasons.
However, role models are not there to completely replicate everything they do. This is the beauty of being human.
Everyone has something to offer in their own way. We need to embrace change and accept people for who they are.
Remember, someone else out there is looking at you and wishing they were you! So tell yourself in the mirror today, “I Am Her.”
Others believe you’re perfect and the only thing missing is you believing it, too.
Ashley Allison is a nurse, author and writer for Unwritten who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and family. For more of her content, visit her author profile.