8 Men Reveal The Grossest Thing They've Experienced During Sex
"She yelled 'Chocolate Thunder' and pooped on him. Yes, you read that correctly."
Unsplash: Brian Kndeneh Sex is a physical process. Sure, it's about chemical reactions and pleasure centers, but it's also about a lot of potentially irksome things, such as the releasing of various body fluids.
We've all had gross things happen. Maybe we didn't realize our period had started until there was blood all over their new sheets. Or we farted at just the wrong moment. Perhaps you found yourself burping mid-makeout.
All of that is pretty nasty and a potential mood-ruiner. But there are so many gross things that happen during sex, and we asked men to weigh in about what they thought. Chances are they were gun shy about getting physical for quite a while.
1. She vomitted while on top.
"My wife and I had a few kids already when we found out she was pregnant again. She's nice to me and does what she can to keep the romance going, so we try not to slack on sex. She also has something called HG when she's pregnant, which is the same condition Princess Kate had that results in 9 months of puke and undying nausea.
During my wife's most recent pregnancy she insisted on being on top because of the way the baby was in her belly (and we couldn't find any other comfortable positions), which was okay with me because she was doing all the work. I was about to orgasm when I saw her face turn in color. Like I said though, she's nonstop sick when she's pregnant so I didn't think much of it. I inched closer to my orgasm with my eyes shut.
Then I felt something weird explode on my face and chest. It wasn't the body fluids one might hope for. It was puke running down my cheeks, chin, and collarbones. (PS: She had soup for lunch a couple hours earlier.) I still love her."
2. Her vagina smelled like asparagus.
"I was going down on someone and she tasted like rotten asparagus. I threw up for days thereafter at the mere thought of it."
3. She had too much wine.
"A girl vomited what seemed like two full bottles of red wine. It looked like blood — I thought she was possessed!"
4. She intentionally pooped on me.
"I have a good friend that dated a woman that had different fetishes. He was open to exploring them with her and she did a few with him. Then one night, they were having sex, she was on top, and she yelled 'Chocolate Thunder!' and sh*t on him. Yes, you read that correctly."
5. I was attacked by bugs.
"This takes the gross things that happen during sex to a whole new level. One time, probably a hundred little gnats had stuck to the wetness on my genitals while having sex in a field. They didn't bite, but apparently, they sure liked the juices."
6. She bled all over me.
"Probably the most concerning thing (not really gross for me) was when my girlfriend's fibroid apparently ruptured. It's kind of scary (for both of us) when there isn't really any pain but you see a whole lot of blood. I was supportive (a trooper?) and the next day went with her to the gynecologist who said it wasn't anything to be concerned about. I have to say that it didn't look comfortable for her to have him pressing on her ovaries like that."
7. She sharted in my face.
"The grossest thing I've ever dealt with during sex is hands down the time that this girl sharted in my face. I was getting really into going down on her and I had her on all fours. I was fingering her butt at the same time, so I guess some hair got trapped in there. I came back out to start licking her butt area and she let out a fart that was wet. I'm gagging as I type this, but the human body can do some really strange things at inopportune times. She was super-embarrassed. Honestly, I was embarrassed FOR her."
8. She left a used tampon under my bed.
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Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyles writer. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Visit her on Twitter or email her at alywalansky@gmail.com.