5 Best Sex Songs For Women Who Know EXACTLY What They Want In Bed (And Aren't Afraid To Ask For It)

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5 Sex Songs For Women Who Know What They Want (And Aren't Afraid To Be Direct About It)
Sex

As written by one.

Some of my past online dating adventures got me thinking about the importance of knowing exactly what I do and do not want in my in dating life. So today, I'm sharing with you five songs from ladies who have no problem whatsoever identifying their sexual needs — and explicitly so.

You will find no double entendres or coy suggestions here.

The lyrics to every song on this list make the singers' intentions quite clear. These sex songs are hot, they are direct and they are, in several cases, dirty as they come. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

So here are my picks for the 5 sexiest songs for women who know EXACTLY what they want and aren't afraid to say it.

1. "Short D**k Man" by 20 Fingers feat. Gillette (1994)

I think I may be the only one who remembers this song.

So, I know this one isn't exactly sex-positive — bodies are awesome and there are benefits to everybody’s size — or even about what the singer wants, as she is clearly stating what she doesn’t want ad nauseum... but there is no question that this size queen is definitely being direct. This isn't a woman who will suffer through the delivery of a small package with a fake smile and even faker orgasm.

I will say this though. If she would just educate herself and her partners about the wonders of proper angling, she could have a damn good time with the titular gentleman. Just saying.

RELATED: 5 Sexy Songs From The '90s That Taught You WAY More Than You Learned In Sex Ed

2. "Freak Like Me" by Adina Howard (1995)

Whereas the previous track was a bit tongue-in-cheek, Adina Howard is 100% serious in this one, and at the time that was kind of groundbreaking.

Back when female R&B/Hip-Hop artists frequently dressed in men’s clothing and tried to come off as being just as tough as their male counterparts — and to be fair, it was the 90s, when for some reason many of us thought giant clothes were a good idea — Howard presented an image that was both feminine and aggressively sexual. So, yay, about that.

I’m not going to lie. This song is totally on my iPod and I love it.

My favorite thing about it is that Adina Howard takes the word “freak” and she OWNS it. This word is so often a sexual double-edged sword. Usher may have said, “We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed,” but I used to work with teens and I constantly saw the “freak” label applied to girls with disdain.

Adina doesn’t care what you think. She’s a freak and she wants a man who can keep up. I’m always struck, however, by the moment when she seems to switch from describing what she wants to criticizing someone she may or may not be doing at that very moment. I find that a bit awkward. I’ll be walking along listening and suddenly think to myself, “Adina, do you folks want me to leave you alone?”

She probably wouldn’t, though. Girl is freaky.

3. "Not Tonight" by Lil Kim (remix feat. Da Brat, Missy Elliott, Angie Martinez, and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes) (1997)

I once heard sex educator Reid Mihalko say, in reference to achieving female orgasm, “Don’t go directly for holes.” You know who agrees with that? Lil’ Kim!

She’s not putting up with any of your “fit Tab A into slot B” BS. No sir, not tonight.

In case that point wasn’t sufficiently clear when she first released this song, she then rounded up a posse of 90s hip-hop lady royalty (and also someone named Angie Martinez) for a remix version to make sure everyone out there knows that if you’re not going down, you’re not going anywhere.

This song has it all: a good beat, smooth storytelling, tight rhymes and an acknowledgment of the fact that most women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone. It may just be the best song ever. I did some research and found that many people award that title to John Lennon’s “Imagine," but with all due respect to Mr. Lennon, that song doesn’t address the orgasm issue at all.

And, you know what would really help all the people "live as one”? Clitoral stimulation.

4. "My Neck, My Back" by Khia (2002)

Be warned. This is, in my opinion, the catchiest song on this list. It’s been in my head all day. (Yeah, that hasn’t been weird at all, especially not at work…)

Anyway, sometimes I hear women say they find it hard to give directions in bed — especially if their partner is a man — because they don’t want to come across as demanding. Khia says “Pshaw!” to that. Girl will tell you what to do... Specifically... 41 times... That’s right, 41.

Beyond the crazy repetition, I have two other quibbles with this song.

The first is a basic sexual hygiene thing. Khia instructs her paramours to work “from the back to the front." Can we please just discuss for a moment how that is an awesome way to set any partners with a vagina up for a UTI in the near future? In order to ensure that bacteria from the anus doesn’t migrate to the vagina or urethra, it’s best to work from the front to the back.

The second is that this woman needs a thesaurus. Or, you know, an imagination. There are so many great words to describe the human anatomy. There’s really no reason to subject us all to the same one word over and over.

41 times...

RELATED: A Sex Pro's Guide To The 17 Sexiest Songs (Wink-Wink)

5. "S&M" by Rihanna (2011)

Once again the last song hit me with some unexpected deep thought. I was cruising up this one on all ready to make a “Who makes an S&M song and video after being beaten by their lover?” joke, but then I got to thinking… “Seriously, what leads one to make an S&M song and video after being beaten by their lover?”

This led to a great dialogue with my pal Miss Alice Gray about how the video plays as the response of a young woman who has been a victim first of violence and then of relentless media hounding. In the video we see Rihanna dominating men, being dominated by the press (who, interestingly, are sporting ball gags) but mostly saying, "Eff you!"

While all the songs on this list involve women saying “I want” it took this one to make me realize they are also about women saying “I am."

This is about more than demanding sexual service. It’s about owning their desire, not allowing anyone else to define them and trusting that sexual satisfaction is their birthright.

(Admit it, you’re impressed that I got from the cat picture to here so quickly, right?)

I did have a moment where I was looking around for music from different genres to fit this list in order to add a little diversity to it.

I thought that since R&B/Hip-Hop is well represented, I should have two songs from another genre, but you know what? I spent a few minutes looking and then I thought, the h*ll with that. It’s noteworthy that I came up with 5 R&B/Hip-Hop songs without much effort (and I even had to cut a few from this list) but that hunting for songs in other genres ended without a ton of success.

Now, I can already hear a woman my age referencing Ani Di Franco or Tori Amos, and yes, “Raspberry Swirl” is nice and all, but you what else is nice?

Direct communication.

It feels important to me that Hip-Hop artists seem to be the ones most consistently offering that up, so my hat is off to them.

JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker and researcher who has been writing about sex, mental health, vibrators and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site, The Redhead Bedhead since 2012. JoEllen is currently working on her first book, "The Monster Under The Bed: Sex, Depression, And The Conversations We Aren't Having."

This article was originally published at The RedHead Bedhead. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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