5 Psychological Mind Tricks That Make Women Feel Sexy Again (And Ready For Sex)

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5 Psychological Mind Tricks To Improve Self-Esteem & Feel Sexy Again When You're Depressed
Sex

Because we’ve all been there.

Maybe you’ve been sick. Maybe you've been having a super-stressful time at work. Maybe you’re going through a breakup. There are a million and one (and probably more) reasons it can happen, but sometimes we all feel hella unsexy and way less confident than we normally do.

Now, I’m not talking about “Whoops! I didn’t brush my hair before I walked my dog!” unsexy here.

I’m talking about when you feel like there’s just no way anyone will ever find you sexually appealing again. I’m talking about when you lose interest in sex and feel completely un-sexy. I’m talking about those moments when you feel so depressed you want to hide from it all, and about the desexualized feeling that often comes with it.

Is there anything you can do about that? I think so.

And I put together this list of 5 self-care "mind tricks" you can play on yourself to start feeling sexy again and get back into the mood to wanting sex again.

1. Take care of yourself.

At times like this it’s really easy to let routines fall by the wayside, but after a couple of days of ignoring your usual cleanliness and beauty rituals, things can go downhill quickly.

Let me pause to be perfectly clear. I'm not about to tell you to keep yourself pretty because pretty = good or some such nonsense. I have practical reasons for bringing up your beauty rituals, or whatever the more masculine-identified among us call beauty rituals… upkeep?

I’ll use myself as an example: When I fall into this state and abandon all routines my skin suffers terribly. I stop moisturizing and drinking enough water and it gets all dry and flaky and patchy. Then it breaks out. Then I look in the mirror and my face is broken out and like four different colors and also the really dry parts hurt. This doesn’t help with the not liking myself thing I already had going on, and when I get back in the swing of things it takes a while for it to go back to normal.

And did I mention it actually hurts?

You’re going through a rough time as it is and you don't want to not make that worse, so identify the parts of your routine that are vital to maintaining your baseline “Okay” state.

I’m not asking you to shoot for, “I look awesome!!” Just maintain. I do exactly as much as it takes for my face to not start hurting. I won’t be on the cover of any magazines, but just that small amount of caretaking for myself keeps me out of pain and makes life easier.

So, whether it’s shaving, exfoliating, conditioning, or maybe just plain old taking a shower, do as much of it as you need to do to keep yourself feeling like you.

RELATED: 22 Quotes That Perfectly Explain What Depression REALLY Feels Like

2. Treat yo’ self!

This sounds kind of the same as the last one, but it’s actually quite different. Allow yourself some luxury, even if it’s small. Accessible luxuries are super important because if you continually tell yourself that you don’t get to be treated well for any reason (yes, even budget-related) you are telling yourself that you are worth less than other people and don’t deserve to feel good.

Find your accessible luxury. It can be totally free — just something that makes you feel like you are treating yourself well.

My accessible luxuries have included hot baths, rosemary picked from the local park, cream in my coffee instead of my customary almond milk, and, most recently, a $20 duvet cover for my beloved (ancient) down comforter (it was a cuddling game-changer). Nothing huge but they all gave me comfort and broke me out of the “I don’t deserve to be pampered because I’m broke/lazy/not thin/whatever-other-thing I was freaking out about at the time” trap.

I’m not saying stuff is the answer. Just be kind to you.

3. Clean up.

Yeah, I know, I’m telling you to work and that may sound like the last thing you want to do, but hear me out.

When you look around you and see a sea of dirty clothes and dishes it can be hard to not feel like part of a big pit of grossness, and that’s not helping your state of mind. For me, a sink full of dirty dishes always makes everything else worse. So, get rid of that mess!

Start small and spend just five minutes at a time making parts of it go away.

Do it while you are doing other things and don’t think you have to tackle any part of it all at once: Making a trip to the bathroom? Squirt some toilet cleaner in the bowl! Heading into the kitchen anyway, bring some dishes in with you. Waiting for your coffee to brew? Wash a couple of dishes.

Then you can go right back to your cocoon. Eventually, you’ll be cocooned in a much more serene space.

4. Masturbate (if that’s a thing you do).

There are times when masturbation can fall by the wayside, but it’s a great way to stay in touch with your sensual side and bring yourself some pleasure. Take your time and allow yourself to really feel all the sensations as they occur. Make it a time for connection with your body.

I know masturbation isn’t everybody’s thing but, if it’s something you're into, it can be a fabulous way to remind yourself of the sexual pleasure you may feel disconnected from right now.

RELATED: 10 Agonizing Truths Depressed People Never Talk About

5. Give yourself a break.

If you remember nothing else from this list, remember this: wherever you are, that's okay.

You might not be up to doing a single thing on this list right now, and that’s okay.

You might do nothing today other than to breathe in and out, and that’s okay.

At times like this when we’re cocooning for whatever reason, the feeling of desexualization can feel like insult added to injury, but give yourself a break. Remember that you are still you and this feeling, while a real and valid experience, is just a feeling.

You haven't become someone else. You are still there.

You just need some cocooning time, so, give yourself a break.

 

JoEllen Notte is a writer, speaker and researcher who has been writing about sex, mental health, vibrators and how none of us are broken on her award-winning site, The Redhead Bedhead since 2012. JoEllen is currently working on her first book, "The Monster Under The Bed: Sex, Depression, And The Conversations We Aren't Having."

This article was originally published at The RedHead Bedhead. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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