What's Your Sex Personality? Answer These 3 Questions To Find Out!

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Sex isn’t just sex to everyone. To different people, sex means a totally different thing than it does to others.

Curious about your own sex personality? If you haven’t figured it out for yourself yet, there are three important questions to ask and answer.

These very important questions come from sex therapist Brittany Lacour. On her journey to becoming a professional in this field, she studied sex in a whole host of intriguing ways. She tried out the life of a dominatrix, did sexually fueled stand up at a comedy club, and watched rats getting it on in a lab.

Another interesting part of Brittany’s studies was the Sexual Attitude Reassessment (SAR), which is used to help counselors figure out their own sexual biases before they start treating people.

She reframed the test for everyone to enjoy, so check it out to see what your SAR is. Also, remember that this isn’t an actual test, and there are no right or wrong answers.

The test is designed to help you figure out how you decide what kind of sex you want and your overall sex personality.

“We have our culture, our past, our friends, our family — an exponential number of influences,” she says. “These can knowingly or unknowingly create ‘rules’ that stop you from having a lasting and satisfying sex life. The truth is, great sex comes from really listening to yourself and your own body. As you answer these questions, take the chance to pause so you can make conscious decisions about what you want to keep doing and what you want to change.” 

So, what do your answers to these questions reveal about your sex personality and your personal attitude toward sex?

1. During sex, how much do you focus on what your partner may be thinking about you?

If you've managed to throw all self-conscious feelings out the window while you're getting it on, give yourself a high five. However, if you are like most people out there, you probably are trying to enjoy your intimate moment while battling feelings of insecurity.

You may be wondering how you look, and if you partner actually likes what you're doing or is actually making fun of your technique in their head. Judging yourself, like most cases in life, will take away your experience and pleasure during sex.

“If your answer is ‘never,’ that’s great. But many of us worry, Am I doing it right? Does my partner like this? Does my partner like me? Judging yourself during sex almost always interferes with your pleasure."

So, if you tend to focus on what your partner thinks about you and your skills in the sack, Lacour has some advice to help you enjoy the experience.

"I suggest doing this before things get steamy: Take three deep, slow breaths — in through your nose and out your mouth — and place your hand over your heart. Acknowledge that you’re giving yourself love, and keep that warm feeling as you enjoy your partner,” she says.

Allow yourself to enjoy the experience, and enjoy your partner, without the worry. 

2. Why do you do what you do?

There is a good chance that you have some pre-conceived ideas about sex. You may think that men hate giving oral sex or that if he has trouble keeping an erection, it must be your fault. You might also have limiting ideas about what is acceptable in your sex life.

Perhaps you have decided that you would never swing with your partner or that using any kind of sex toy is weird. Instead of being stuck in the harmful pattern of viewing sex as how you think it SHOULD be, you should focus on what it COULD be instead, because your negative thinking can damage your relationship.

Rigid thinking about sex can harm your relationships, and being stuck on what an experience should be can mean missing what it could be," Lacour says.

Think of all the pleasure and fun that you and your partner could be missing out on because of your limiting beliefs and rules. If you can't think of any solid reasons for why you do what you do when it comes to sex, here's what Lacour suggests.

"If any of this resonates with you, try bending one of your rules a little — maybe ‘no threesomes’ becomes ‘I could fantasize about that with my partner.’ You don’t have to do a 180 — just soften a hard belief and see what happens with your sex life.”

3. Do you have a sexual personality?

Some people just exude sexuality, while others feel uncomfortable just thinking about the topic in the presence of others. This personality factor, in the scope of sexuality, often lead to labels that we are given by our friends or even give to ourselves.

"Many women have a sexual persona they live up to without realizing it: ‘I’m the girl who gives great head’ or ‘I’m the prude,’" says Lacour.

Labeling yourself as a prude or a sex fiend can put limitations on you, your relationships, and the kind of people you attract. They can stop you from living in the moment and cause you to make choices that aren't exactly honest or in line with how you really feel. If you could just take a moment to really be yourself, what would that person want to do sexually?

"Ask yourself: Do I like my label? What is it about? Attracting partners? Avoiding intimacyAnd most important: Does it keep me from being in the moment so I can make honest choices? If yes, pause. Now imagine what it would take to show up as yourself. That may feel hard and risky, but great sex often takes a leap of faith.”

Allow yourself to let go of labels and you could really experience some truly great sex. 

So, how does your sex life measure up with your answers to these questions? Does it explain your sex personality and your attitude toward sex? Liberate yourself and start having the sex of your dreams. You deserve it. 

 

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