14 Tips For Side Chicks (From A Former Side Chick Who's OVER That Life)

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side chick advice
Love, Sex

Because, let's face it, no one else will take your corner if they find out.

Yes, I’ll admit it. I was a knowing side chick to a guy for about six months. I’m not proud of it, but hey, I was young and stupid and somehow believed that things would work out. That being said, I can understand how it feels to fall for a guy who’s taken or otherwise unavailable.

When I was a side chick, I learned that I did want a full relationship, not just sloppy seconds. If you feel like you need to be a side chick, nothing I can say on the net will stop you. If you do decide to be the other woman in a guy's life, here's some side chick advice I’d suggest you follow in order to make things work as long as possible.

1. If it’s at all possible, try to aim for an open relationship.

Some men will actually convince their main girls to open up the relationship, and that can mean a whole lot fewer problems for you. This allows you to stay honest and upfront with everyone and also means that you will be less likely to deal with drama. This is also the more ethical thing to do.

That being said, it’s not always doable. If you can’t get him to open the relationship for you, then the rest of the side chick advice below will help you survive.

2. Understand that you will get hurt.

Being a side chick is emotionally devastating because you will end up in pain, even if he doesn’t. Most of the time, he will not leave his girl for you. In fact, he won’t even acknowledge you exist to others. Even if he leaves her for you, you’ll still get hurt.

You’ll never be able to trust him to stay loyal, since you know he’s a cheater by default.

3. There’s also a pretty good chance that you’ll start to feel sad, even if you can’t figure out why.

The funny thing about being a side chick is that you don’t often realize how badly it f*cks with you until you’ve broken up with the guy. Even if you think you can deal with being a side chick, you will find yourself feeling increasingly depressed about it. I know, because that’s what happened to me.

It will take you a while to parse out your feelings, so don’t be surprised if you notice this happening to you.

4. Keep dating other guys.

I know what it’s like to be head-over-heels attracted to a taken man. That doesn’t mean it’s okay or alright. That also doesn’t mean you should be loyal to him. After all, he’s not loyal to you.

By continuing to date other men, you’re making yourself open to a solo relationship and giving yourself a measuring stick to measure everyone by. This also can soften the blow if your main guy dumps you.

5. The biggest reason you don’t want him to get caught is because of the wrath you’ll face from the main chick.

There is a lot of truth to the phrase “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Though this isn’t always the case, there’s a very good chance that the main chick will attack you rather than her boyfriend or husband.

That wrath can manifest in a number of very ugly ways, including smearing your name, physically attacking you, showing up at your job, or worse. Basically, this is the kind of thing that can turn into a major ticking time bomb.

6. Never give any concrete evidence of an affair.

Have text conversations that are plausibly deniable. Don’t send nudes (ever) if you’re in an affair with a man. The less evidence you have, the better off you’ll be.

7. Tell the guy to pay any tab in cash.

This goes back to the whole “concrete evidence of an affair.” Lost money and time are what will lead people to suspect an affair. You do not want the guy to get caught. Trust me on this. If you go anywhere, tell him to pay in cash — yes, even for a room.

8. If you get caught with him, you will probably have a lot to explain.

A lot of people who have high respect have affairs that remain unnoticed. That being said, if you had a lot of people who looked up to you, you will probably get to kiss that respect and admiration goodbye. No one wants to associate with a side piece.

9. You have to recognize that you’re a victim in this, and that you’re also a perpetrator, too.

Being the other woman doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. You might have believed what you wanted to believe. People make mistakes, and at times, hurt people hurt people. But at the same time, you probably knew better than to do this if you continued it after you found out he was taken.

Though nothing is ever completely in black and white when it comes to having sex with a taken man, it’s important to realize that you’re both a perpetrator and victim in this case. It’ll help you cope.

10. Also, if he gets caught, he might turn on you, too.

I’ve seen this with someone else who was in this position. He ended up putting all the blame on the other woman, and he kept harassing her until she lost her job. It was ugly. And yes, it can happen to you, too, especially if you are the other woman to an unstable man.

11. Break it off.

Yes, this is probably the most important side chick advice I’m going to give. It’s just not worth it. Remember, there aren’t really any benefits to being the other woman. It will just slowly eat away at you until you snap. If you notice it getting to that point, break it off. You’ll save yourself a world of pain.

12. Do not tell mutual friends about the affair.

Friends will pick sides, and because you’re the other woman, they will probably not pick yours.

13. Remember, he’s not a catch.

A cheater is a cheater. While you may be jealous of the wife, there’s really nothing to be jealous about. No one wants a cheater, except for the side piece and the poor woman he tricked into staying with him.

14. Chances are high that you’ll need time and/or therapy to heal completely from it.

Being the other woman really does a number on your mental wellbeing. Trust me when I say that therapy will help, and that only time can heal some of the wounds you’ll get. 

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