There's A New Fidget Spinner Sex Toy ... And Here's The CRAZY Way You Use It

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fidget spinner sex toys
Buzz, Sex

It's gone too far.

From the moment I saw my first fidget spinner, I knew that someone was going to turn one into a sex toy. 

Seriously. 

It's not even because I'm a pervert (though I am), it's because of Rule 34: If you can think of it, it probably exists on the internet. 

When something starts to become a popular trend, it is only a matter of time until the internet incorporates it into porn and someone on Etsy decides to make a sex toy to market to artisanal and on-trend sex fiends. 

I'm pissed about it, too.

As soon as fidget spinners became the pogs for a new generation, I had a librarian's pure and abject disdain for them.

"They are deeply annoying," I said to my boyfriend. "Can you imagine being a teacher in a class these days? You would have to confiscate so many of them!" 

"But," he pointed out, "you aren't a teacher."

I found this to be irrelevant.

"They are supposed to help kids concentrate," he added. 

 

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I consulted my brother's girlfriend, who is a special ed teacher, and a friend who is a behavioral counselor. There is no science to back up that "stimming" by using a fidget spinner will help with anything other than keeping a kid distracted and helping them to distract others. 

Boom. 

And I was also right about something else, too. I knew it was only a matter of time until someone found a way to use a fidget spinner as a sex toy. If something has holes in, people will figure out how to put a penis inside it. Frankly, the only surprise that a fidget spinner butt plug exists is that it's a butt plug and not some other form of sex toy. 

That's why I was so delighted and also perplexed when my Google alert for "fidget spinner sex toy" finally went off and I was rewarded with an image of this beautiful listing on Etsy. Behold — but before you do, please know that what has been seen cannot be unseen.

Etsy

 

Here's the description from the listing agent: 


"Here to help keep that a** focused, we present to you our custom-made fidget spinner butt plug! That's right help combat ADHD and get stuff done with your very own booty-spinning adventure toy! Available in three sizes to fit any attention span; get yours today and get sh*t done! More details to follow soon, novelty use only: don't do anything stupid, lol."
 

Etsy

I. Have. So. Many. Questions. 

 

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If this fidget spinner butt plug is for novelty use only, does that mean you cannot actually put it up your butt? Because it looks like a sex toy you could really put up your butt. 

Does the seller mean "don't try to use this in public?" Because I'll be real, that seems like a given. 

Now that I have alerted you as to the latest in fidget spinner butt plug news, I have placed an order to receive my very own.

I figured the least I can do is try it out and report back, right?