There's A New Fidget Spinner Sex Toy ... And Here's The CRAZY Way You Use It
It's gone too far.
WeHeartIt From the moment I saw my first fidget spinner, I knew that someone was going to turn one into a sex toy.
Seriously.
It's not even because I'm a pervert (though I am), it's because of Rule 34: If you can think of it, it probably exists on the internet.
When something starts to become a popular trend, it is only a matter of time until the internet incorporates it into porn and someone on Etsy decides to make a sex toy to market to artisanal and on-trend sex fiends.
I'm pissed about it, too.
As soon as fidget spinners became the pogs for a new generation, I had a librarian's pure and abject disdain for them.
"They are deeply annoying," I said to my boyfriend. "Can you imagine being a teacher in a class these days? You would have to confiscate so many of them!"
"But," he pointed out, "you aren't a teacher."
I found this to be irrelevant.
"They are supposed to help kids concentrate," he added.
I consulted my brother's girlfriend, who is a special ed teacher, and a friend who is a behavioral counselor. There is no science to back up that "stimming" by using a fidget spinner will help with anything other than keeping a kid distracted and helping them to distract others.
Boom.
And I was also right about something else, too. I knew it was only a matter of time until someone found a way to use a fidget spinner as a sex toy. If something has holes in, people will figure out how to put a penis inside it. Frankly, the only surprise that a fidget spinner butt plug exists is that it's a butt plug and not some other form of sex toy.
That's why I was so delighted and also perplexed when my Google alert for "fidget spinner sex toy" finally went off and I was rewarded with an image of this beautiful listing on Etsy. Behold — but before you do, please know that what has been seen cannot be unseen.
Etsy
Here's the description from the listing agent:
"Here to help keep that a** focused, we present to you our custom-made fidget spinner butt plug! That's right help combat ADHD and get stuff done with your very own booty-spinning adventure toy! Available in three sizes to fit any attention span; get yours today and get sh*t done! More details to follow soon, novelty use only: don't do anything stupid, lol."
Etsy
I. Have. So. Many. Questions.
If this fidget spinner butt plug is for novelty use only, does that mean you cannot actually put it up your butt? Because it looks like a sex toy you could really put up your butt.
Does the seller mean "don't try to use this in public?" Because I'll be real, that seems like a given.
Now that I have alerted you as to the latest in fidget spinner butt plug news, I have placed an order to receive my very own.
I figured the least I can do is try it out and report back, right?
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