The Most Powerful Tool For Sexual Pleasure Is Right There In Your Own Hands

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The Most Powerful Tool For Sexual Pleasure Is Getting Rid Of Your Shame Around Masturbation
Sex

Yes, literally. *wink wink*

It’s the day of National Masturbation Month, so masturbation advice and musings are all over my social media feed — and it’s making me recall, with fondness, the time I masturbated to orgasm in front of an audience of around 50 people ...

It was for a class, and this time I was the demo bottom, not the teacher. My friend was teaching an erotic embarrassment and humiliation class for a kink audience, and I volunteered. The problem was that he couldn’t embarrass me.

Asking me to put on a live masturbation demonstration was a final Hail Mary on his part, hoping that, finally, would break me. But it didn’t work.

You see, I just don’t find masturbation embarrassing or humiliating.

I remember being a teenager playing truth or dare and hearing people whisper and giggle when talking about touching themselves. I also remember, even then, being baffled that this was a source of shame, and being surprised that I was the only girl in the room that would openly admit to masturbating.

 

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Knowing your own body is one of the most powerful tools you have to claim your sexual pleasure. I say this every time I teach a sex ed class or work with private clients. You need to know what you like in order to tell a partner. Sure, there’s more to it than that, but it’s an important starting point.

Of course, that’s easier said than done because we live in a world where threatening to ban dildos and speaking out against masturbation (and many other forms of sex) gains political points.

So either the people cheering these sex-negative comments on simply don’t masturbate, or, more likely, people feel so much shame about it that they publicly support those comments even though they contradict what they actually do in the privacy of their own homes.

We’ve seen this before, especially in politics. It’s a great example of shame in action.

I talked about this issue of the need to speak openly about sexuality while having lunch with a friend the other day.

One of those friends that I don’t see often but we keep up with each other on social media. She was telling me how proud she is of the work that I’ve been doing and that felt really amazing for me to hear. We talked about how hard it can be, in the face of everything that’s going on in the world, to remember that work around sexuality is vitally important.

I told her that some days when I go to post about my latest class or most recent article, I see the terrible things that are happening in the world and decide that’s a day I should just read, listen, and signal boost other voices.

But then we talked about sexual shame and how many people suffer from it and how much of a better world it would be if we could all simply live our lives in ways that make us feel happy and fulfilled — if we could all use our bodies for their maximum pleasure potential.

 

Related: The Actual TRUTH About Your G-Spot (And Why Science Keeps Getting It Wrong)

 

That’s why I keep doing this work, even when it’s hard. Because the only way to change the world is one person at a time. And I do believe that helping people feel more comfortable in their skin effects the way they exist in the world and that these changes make the world a better place overall.

So for Masturbation Month, I present to you  without shame —  with two my favorite toys for masturbation as my way of spreading the love for self-loving:

I own an awful lot of sex toys, but only two toys hold pride of place on my nightstand: the Lelo Siri and the Magic Wand Original.

The Magic Wand is a classic for a reason, and it certainly gets the job done.

The Siri is nice when I want something more mellow, or if I want more of a tease.

I enjoy having the option of something soft with variable settings, and something intense that will make me orgasm in under two minutes.

Stella Harris is building a world where everyone has the confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. As a certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach, she uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy to communication skills to kink and BDSM. Stella has been widely quoted in the media and has made guest appearances on numerous podcasts, including Sex on the Brain and Playboy Radio.

 

This article was originally published at Stella Harris. Reprinted with permission from the author.

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