5 AWESOME Places To Have A Threesome In Public (And Not Get Caught!)

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Live your best lives, threesome havers!

Let's give it up for our heroes of the week, Tiffany Thibodeaux, Brandon Mabery, and Amy Hammers. 

What did these charming denizens of Kiln, Mississippi, do to earn them such a riotous round of applause? They were caught — and I quote the arresting sheriff —​ having a threesome "in front of God and everyone" on the deck of a popular family seafood restaurant called the Triple D. Maybe the name of the place inspired them? The restaurant was apparently closed at the time, but the threesome took place in broad daylight.

Chief Sheriff Don Bass seemed particularly baffled as to why the threesome would choose such a public place for their sex adventures. “I guess it’s kind of scenic. It is on a bayou,” Bass said. “It’s kind of romantic, but no, there’s no rhyme or reason here.”

I'm with the good sheriff on this one. While I get the appeal of sex in public, and I also get the appeal of having a threesome (both things are hot as hell if done properly), this just seems like it was a total recipe for disaster from go. 

 

Related: 10 Tips For Giving Super-Hot (And Super-Safe!) Road Head

 

To that end, if you're going to have a threesome in public, I have some locations to suggest some locations to make sure the world does not see your brown eye (and also to keep you out of jail for your sex habits). Frankly, I don't think poor Sheriff Bass could handle having to shut another threesome down, so let's do him a solid, m'kay? 

 

1. In a hot tub 

Look, I feel bad saying this because my grandparents had one in their garage when I was growing up, but hot tubs are essentially designed for people to have group sex inside. Let's be real. All that steam and those bubbles — not to mention the jets!

The whole thing just begs for a party to be going on beneath the surface! It's public sex AND a restoring and relaxing spa experience! What's not to love, I ask you? Just make sure you shower afterward and use waterproof lube to prevent chafing. 

 

2. During a foam party 

I'll be real: I don't know if foam parties are even still a thing, but I do know that they were huge when I was in high school and I ACHED to attend one and it never happened. Admittedly, this might be coloring my entire inclusion of foam party on this list. 

That said, there is probably nothing more erotic than getting freaky with two other people while the glorious innocent foam conceals it all.

Bonus points: It probably smells awesome. You guys I really want to go to a foam party. 

 

3. At a sex club  

I get it, half the thrill of having sex in public is the knowledge that you could get caught at any second. But here's the trade-off: you could get caught at any second. Nobody needs that noise. You don't want to have to tell you grandkids about the time you were locked up for having sex with too many people and possibly in front of children.

Sex clubs and sex parties are a safe and police-free way of letting your freaky, threesome-loving flag fly. 

 

4. In the snow 

It is a fact commonly known that in order to save yourself from hypothermia, you must strip naked and clutch another equally naked human body. I learned this from Elisabeth Shue and Val Kilmer in the Saint and I refuse to hear differently. 

If you have naked threesome in the freezing snow and the police catch you, they will not arrest you because you are literally saving lives with your sexual organs and with your nudity. 

 

Related: If Your Sex Life Is Bad Stop Overthinking It And Just Go F*ck

 

5. On the New York subway 

If I have learned nothing else during my 11 years in this fair metropolis, it is that if you want to do something that is both legally and morally reprehensible and face no consequences whatsoever, then you do it on the subway.

I have seen 15 exposed penises, one woman taking a poop, a man smoking actual crack, and a couple having fully naked sex. None of these people were arrested or even harassed. That is not to say that your naked threesome won't go unnoticed, but just, you know, so you feel like you have options.