Sure sex is fun, but there are a lot of awkward and uncomfortable things that come along with it.
We always talk about the great benefits that come along with sex, but no one (myself included) ever talks about how overrated f*cking can be. It’s especially difficult to realize this when you’re in the midst of a drought.
However, it takes a real special pair of rose shades to be able to see all the benefits that come along with quitting sex.
Believe me, there are plenty — 12 to be exact. And chances are you probably never even thought about it because you were so busy dwelling on the lack of sex.
But, I’m convinced that upon reading this you’ll count your blessings with a string of praise hand emojis that you aren’t currently getting any. Hell, you might even consider prolonging this no-sex journey once I’ve gotten you to see the beautiful, bright light.
1. Becoming invincible to infections.
OK. Maybe not absolutely no bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections, or yeasties but it sure does seem like you become immune to those damn infections when you're not getting down and dirty (not to be funny).
2. Relinquishing the razor.
The days of looking like a naked mole rat here, there, and everywhere are behind you. It's time to welcome your newfound life as hair grows from crevices you didn't even know were there and places you had no idea hair follicles thrived. No man. No worries.
3. More sleep ... maybe.
If your ex-boyfriend or booty call kept you up at night with sex and now he's gone, that might suck. But, if he keeps you up all night worrying about who he may be with or what he's doing until the next time you see him — you're definitely better off.
Either way you spin this, you're guaranteed more sleep.
4. More time for your gal pals.
When you're not rushing home for that late night call, you're more likely to spend more time with your girls.
5. Pregnancy scares become a non-factor.
6. No need to hide your hair pieces ...
I don't know about you, but I've spent many times trying to hide my wigs (or any form of temporary hair pieces) in my bag after my little boo thing falls asleep. And, then I wake up super early and throw it back on before he notices. That's a lot of fucking work for dick! It's a relief to let my wig come and go as I please.
7. ...or worry that it'll fall out mid-thrust.
I've also tried to have sex with my wig on and let me tell you: NOT FUN. It's awkward and slightly embarrassing (because girl, get your life).
8. Gassy foods are back IN your diet!
White Castle drive-through here I come because surely now that there's no dick in my life, I don't have to be on edge about letting it rip while we're doing it. Then afterward trying to pass it off as a queef. That's overtime overthinking and I don't want it.
Oh, also, there's none of the stress when it comes time to poop it out. What if I leave shit stains in his toilet? What if he clocks me and asks why it took so long? What if the smell wafts into his room when I open the door? Yeah, none of that crap either.
9. You always, always cum.
When it's just you and your sex toys, you're guaranteed to get off — more so than when you have to rely on one someone else for your pleasure.
10. Actually finish your shows.
You know when you're f*cking the one universal truth is that TV is used to transition you into the bedroom. Therefore, it's highly unlikely that you won't be interrupted while you have a consistent f*ck. However, now that you don't you can binge watch with zero distractions and by distractions I mean hands crawling up your t-shirt.
11. Sacrificing your bed? A thing of the past.
You don't have to wake up super early to trek back to your place, because guess what? You're already there. Getting him to let you sleep in his bed overnight is only fun the first time. After that there's no more challenge, and I just want to be in my damn bed. I want to be able to kick you out and go make sheet angles as soon as the door closes behind you.
12. No uncomfortable cuddles.
You don't have to fidget your way through the night wondering if you're hurting his arm with your seemingly overweight head, only to reposition anyway because his arm is hurting your head. Cuddling gets as complicated as the relationships itself and sorry, but we don't want that burden either.