10 Funny Pickup Lines For The HOT Repairmen In Your Life

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handyman pick up lines
Sex

Screw amidst the screws.

You know what literary device is almost impossible to use sincerely? 

Pick up lines

Yeah, pick up lines are like that well-meaning but totally drunk guy at the bar. He thinks you're cute, and he thinks saying something like "you with all those curves and me with no breaks" is actually going to grant him access to your vagina.

Pick up lines do not work that way. Pick up lines, in my very humble estimation, only work when they are specific, and they only work when they are funny as hell. 

If you want to try out some funny pick up lines, start out by trying them at home.

I don't mean on your pets, because ew. I mean try out your funny pick up lines on the men you employee to keep your house from falling down.

That's right, I've developed a list of funny pick up lines for the repairmen in your life. 

Use them wisely, the penis you get may save your life. Or at least give you an orgasm, if you're lucky.  So please make sure you plan accordingly. I literally have no idea what I'm saying at this point.

TO THE PICK UP LINES!

 

1. "You can polish my concrete whenever you want."

What's sexier than invoking cool, modern flooring?

 

2. "Your muscles are so big I thought they were architecturally placed roof cantilevers." 

Frank Lloyd Wright is getting hard in his grave. 

 

3."My drain's clogged, wanna help me snake it?"

The drain is your vagina. (In case you didn't get that.)

 

4. "I made sure to mow my lawn so you can lay all the pipe you want."

This assumes he likes a shaved vagina and understands double entendre. 

Giphy

 

5. "Whoops, it looks like I've got a stripped screw, wanna help me pry it loose?"

Get it? SCREW?

 

6. "Hurry up, before the milk man's here."

A housewife's chores are never done. And by chores, I clearly mean her illicit rendezvous with various service people. 

 

7. "You can unclog my septic tank any day."

This one's good if you're cool invoking thoughts of feces to your lovemaking. 

 

8. "Hammer me the way you hammered those stubborn joists into place."

Only use this one if you like to be hammered and you've seen proof of his skills when it comes to joists. 

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9. "You make me wetter than a new can of sealant." 

That's very wet, you guys. 

 

10. "Can I hold your caulk?"

This might slow down the work he's doing in your bathroom, but also it sounds like cock, so. 

Expert advice

If you can recognize this pattern, you can handle your favorite narcissist more effectively.
Are you still single and you don't why?
You constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells.